


Rebuilding

by theriacs



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Canon Divergent, F/F, Families of Choice, Fluff and Angst, Immigration Themes, Kryptonian Culture, Season 2 Rewrite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:43:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8196464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theriacs/pseuds/theriacs
Summary: What if we didn't forget the fact Kara was ready to leave behind everyone she loved to save the world? What if those alien identification devices were here to stay? What if we didn't need capes and masks to be heroes?Everyone can figure out those answers on their own. All Alex cares about is Kara.





	1. pillow talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is hopeless.

At 5am, she turns to gold.

Alex has never cared for the sun until she met Kara.

Combing her fingers through Kara’s hair, she smiles indulgently at the slumbering superhero in her bed. Silky hair spun with gold tease her face and nose as she loosely wraps some of it around her fingers. Alex’s movements are slow and gentle, weighed down by residual sleep (and an unmovable Kryptonian.)

The two of them are surrounded by a sea of gunmetal sheets, and the color only serves to highlight just how radiant Kara looks when the early light of dawn creeps through the window. Poetry dances on the edge of Alex’s lips, but no matter how beautiful the words are, she knows it wouldn’t be the same to anyone else.

These soft, stolen moments are all she allows herself.

Kara inhales deeply before she actually wakes. Her eyes are still closed, but Alex sees the lazy smile forming.

“It’s too early for breakfast, go back to sleep,” Alex murmurs, assuming that’s what she was smelling for.

An amused chuckle rumbles languidly in Kara’s chest where Alex can feel it. “Not that…” Kara stretches, pushing around pillows and sheets.

“Hey,” Alex complains half-heartedly, feeling the chill set in without her covers. She moves to pull them back up, but Kara curls herself more fully against the brunette and tucks her smile against her neck.

“No moving, c’mere.” She giggles, resting her head on Alex’s shoulder and breathes deeply again.

Alex shouldn’t find it endearing, but she does. She has, ever since they were younger when Kara stopped burying her face into Alex’s neck when she was sad and lonely and then did it just because she wanted to. It’s been a while since any night terrors plagued her sister’s sleep.

Their legs are tangled in shadows where the sun has yet to reach, in fact, the light has barely illuminated her midriff where Alex’s shirt is riding up. Her stomach tightens at the cold, but it’s the touch of Kara’s bare arm draping across her skin that gives Alex goosebumps. Her fingers tighten minutely over Alex’s hip, and Alex knows without a doubt that the sleepy Kryptonian has heard her heartbeat quicken.

A quiet moment hovers over them.

Alex closes her eyes, trying to pretend the heavy pressure in her chest is nothing more than the weight of Kara’s head resting on her. The intimacy of this moment is almost more than Alex can endure. It’s so soft and fragile, and yet it burns inside of her.

She presses a kiss to Kara’s forehead and guilt consumes her.

One day, she will be gone, and Kara will be alone again.

Barely even thirty, and Alex has accomplished more than most people ever will in their lifetime. She is restless and ambitious. When Jeremiah Danvers taught his daughter to reach for the stars, he probably didn’t expect them to reach back for Alex.

Kara reaches.

Kara reaches for Alex in an all-consuming embrace and refuses to allow their lives to untangle. Kara has always reached for Alex when her night terrors grew too great or when her anxiety was too overwhelming.

Moving away from Kara doesn’t do anything.

It’s not the distance that matters. (Kara could fly to every corner of the Earth in minutes.)

It’s…this.

It’s selfishly craving lazy Sundays in bed with Kara while knowing the closer they get, the more Alex will hurt her when she passes. (On a battlefield of glory? In her sleep, old and frail? Tortured alone?)

She should be encouraging Kara to go out again, find herself someone to keep her company. (Maybe push her towards another galaxy. Other eligible alien bachelors have to exist, right?)

“Stop that,” Kara gently admonishes.

Alex peers down in surprise. “Stop what?”

“Whatever you’re thinking that’s making you sad.”

She gives the Kryptonian wrapped around her a suspicious look. “Are you scenting me again?”

She watches Kara pull up her shoulders slightly and shrink, caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to. “Your pheromones are really strong…” She mumbles.

Alex gives her an exasperated sigh but moves her hand to thumb at the nape of the blonde’s neck, drawing her back out. “And you’re like a little puppy.” She jokes.

Overstepping social norms always makes Kara anxious and retreat into herself. On top of losing her entire planet, Kara also had childhood bullying to add on top of her trauma. When Alex found out how the kids at school were treating Kara, she got into more fights at school than the actual delinquents did. It was infuriating to know how strong the little blonde was, but she had to willingly make herself helpless to the ignorance and cruelty of children.

“…I had a dog.”

Alex blinks, stunned by this seemingly mundane admission. “I…pardon?”

Kara laughs softly against her neck. “I had a dog, Alex. You know, the four-legged, woof-woof critters?”

Alex rolls her eyes. “I mean, before you came to earth?”

“Mhm…his name was Krypto. He looked like a big white labrador retriever and every morning he would belly flop on me to wake me up. Smart, too.” Kara adds. Alex couldn’t see her face, but she could hear Kara’s wistful voice tinged with mourning.

“I had no idea…” Alex tells her softly, continuing to brush her thumb along the nape of Kara’s neck in comfort. In response, Kara curls closer.

“It’s okay, you wouldn’t have known.” Kara pauses, hesitating to voice her thoughts. “Do you…remember when you brought me back from the Black Mercy?”

Kara feels Alex stiffen underneath her and mirrors the soothing gesture she was receiving by thumbing over Alex’s hipbone. “When I woke up, I realized Krypto wasn’t there. My parents got him for me because they were occupied with matters of the state a lot. But in my…dream, my family had all the time in the world for me, so I guess Krypto wasn’t needed. My perfect fantasy…” She huffs a laugh, bitter and sad. “I bet if Krypto were there, he would have yanked me over to you and not let go until I heard what you had to say.”

“I’m glad I was convincing enough on my own.” Alex smiles wryly, unable to come up with anything more appropriate because of the sweeping sensation over her hip.

Kara nods seriously. “You are. It’s easier to talk about Krypton now that my home is with you.”

Alex wants to seize this opportunity and ask Kara more questions about her planet, but words are failing her. The unexpected amount of emotions that hit her from Kara’s declaration are overwhelming. She closes her eyes and presses her lips to the top of Kara’s head. “Always,” she promises with conviction. “You’ll always have a home in me for as long as I live.”

Kara’s breath comes shakily against her neck. “My parents would’ve loved you.” Her voice cracks in the middle of her confession. “They would have welcomed you into our family without a thought had I asked.”

Her words chase away Alex’s dark thoughts, and Alex wishes Kara’s parents were alive to give their approval as well.

“Rao,” Kara swears, her voice watery with her sorrow. “I just…I just wish you had the chance to see them as they were—not as some stupid plant hallucinations or AI construct!” Her tears run freely now, soaking into Alex’s shirt. “They were so much better than that, Alex! So much!”

“And you thought _I_ was the one who was sad.”

Kara laughs through her tears, lightly swatting the side of her sister’s leg. “You are, you jerk! You just refuse to tell me, and here I am trying to pour my heart out, you emotionally-stunted super secret agent!”

Alex gapes at her but is ultimately unable to hold back her own laughter. “Don’t bring my work into this.” She dances her fingers along Kara’s sensitive side and grins at the surprised shriek and giggles it draws from her. Alex is forced to roll with Kara when her sister does to protect her side and ends up laying on top of the blonde.

“I _am_ your work,” Kara declares as haughtily as she can with a smug smile. “So you have to do what I say and listen to me.”

Alex hears the slight waver of uncertainty in Kara’s voice and wonders if Kara knows how her vulnerabilities affect Alex. She knows she should move, but her traitorous mind whispers for her to be selfish. Kara obviously doesn’t mind laying flush underneath her sister, her golden hair splayed across pillows like sunrise. Her still watery eyes bring out the cosmic shade of blue unique to Kryptonians, and in Kara’s case, made of stardust and love.

Her heartbeat thuds painfully in her chest, and no amount of deflection or jokes will hold it at bay. She wonders if Kara knows how easily she can break Alex, not just physically but emotionally as well.

Kara’s sniff interrupts her thoughts. The blonde isn’t crying anymore, but sadness still remains in her eyes. Wiping the tears from her face, Alex then kisses the tip of her nose. “Tell me more about your parents then,” she suggests, steadfastly ignoring the ache in her own chest.

Kara looks up at Alex, searching her face for something without a name. Alex watches her lick her lips, at a loss for where to start now that she has the chance to pass on their memory.

“They…weren’t perfect,” she starts haltingly, “I know that. I don’t think Aunt Astra was lying about my mother. You saw her as a judicator in my…dream. She was very focused on bringing criminals to justice, even if it was her own version of justice.” Kara sighs, wrapping her arms around Alex. “I remember seeing her pace back and forth a lot in her study. My dad would rub her shoulders every night, because she acted like she carried all of Krypton on them. She would’ve liked that you work for the government.” She huffs out. “She never talked about any of her cool cases with me, just like someone I know...”

Alex looks away from Kara’s pointed stare with a nervous chuckle.

“Some things are still classified,” she protests weakly.

The indignant look becomes more of a pout. “I worry about you, Alex. How am I supposed to help if you’re keeping me in the dark?”

It’s an argument they’ve had a hundred times.

“Kara…”

“I know, I know.” She grumps. “They’re not your secrets to share.”

She wriggles under Alex to raise her finger in between their faces. “To be fair though, you always figure out secrets that aren’t mine to share.”

“You have no poker face,” Alex deadpans.

Kara pouts again.

“It’s not a bad thing,” Alex smiles, cupping the Kryptonian’s cheeks. “Your honest face makes it easy to find where you hide your Christmas presents.”

“Alex!” Kara whines, grabbing a pillow to thump her over the head with. It nearly dislodges Alex from her perch. “Serves you right,” Kara grumbles at her sister’s teasing laughter.

They settle into each other again after a few minutes.

“My dad would’ve liked you with your background in bio-engineering.”

“Oh?”

“I wanted to be a scientist like him. He and his brother were the head of the Science Guild, and Krypton was pretty much ruled by the Science Council anyway. They maintained everything from the air we breathed to the birthing matrix—”

“—Wait, what’s a birthing matrix?” Alex interrupts with furrowed eyebrows.

“Ah…”

“…Kara?”

“I…forgot Earth regards propagation in a vastly different light sometimes…um.” She clears her throat nervously. “Well, on Krypton, a thousand or so years ago…they decided to use clones to extend the life of Kryptonians, taking whatever organs they needed and all that.” Kara winces, checking Alex’s reaction. She had watched enough sci-fi movies with her sister to know the twisted and malevolent way earthlings viewed clones.

Alex, to her credit, didn’t even blink. “Okay…?”

“And, uh…long story short, it didn’t go so well. They realized the clones were sentient and scrapped the system.”

“Oh my god.”

“Wha—what?” Kara looks panicked. “What is it? I know it’s a really different concept to wrap your head around, but I swear it’s not like my people did it with evil intentions, and we’re really not freaks—”

“—No, Kara. Relax. It’s not that.” Alex smiles reassuringly. “I was just thinking that cloning humans is still nothing more than science fiction on earth, and meanwhile, you’re telling me cloning people is _ancient_ technology on Krypton. It’s amazing. It’s also not my place to judge your culture. You know that, right?”

Kara breathes a sigh of relief. “Rao, Alex. You scared me.” Her eyes close, needing a moment. Her hands find the dimples on Alex’s lower back and dips her fingers inside of them one by one to focus her frazzled mind.

Alex prays for strength and reminds herself that Kara is her sister.

“So. Clones. Gone. What happened next?” She prompts Kara.

“Oh!” Kara brightens, looking more excited to share her forgotten world with Alex now that she knows Alex won’t judge her. “Since we were pretty much immortal at that point, our world…didn’t leave a lot to chance. Most importantly, there wasn’t a lot of job turnover, if you know what I mean.”

Alex nods at Kara’s expectant gaze to let her know she is listening.

“We began to need people to fill very specific roles, and we realized that traditional births wouldn’t always guarantee the individual would grow up with all the right traits necessary to fill the roles needed by our society. Enter…the birthing matrix.” Her announcement is dramatic and as dorky as she is, complete with the sound effects she makes herself.

Raising an eyebrow at Kara’s silly antics, Alex translates, “so genetically-engineered Kryptonians.”

Kara looks up at her with starry eyes. “You’re so smart. How did I ever get so lucky?” She pretends to wipe a tear away.

“I think they engineered you with about twenty percent more sass than necessary.” Alex flicks Kara’s nose with her finger lightly.

Kara scrunches her nose and giggles in response.

“So you’re literally designed to be perfect.” Alex drawls, inwardly congratulating herself on falling in love with a genetically modified marvel. _A+, Danvers. You sure know how to set yourself up for failure._

Kara looks mildly uncomfortable with that assessment. “Kind of? Like, it wasn’t uncommon to strip away any vulnerabilities to diseases we knew existed, or disorders,” she added more quietly, “but the most significant part was that people were born knowing their role in society. Our lives were predetermined depending on our parents’ roles in society.”

“How does it actually work?” Alex asks curiously.

“Uh…less of the birds and the bees, and more of like extracting genetic material and gestation chambers?”

“Hot.”

Kara blushes, shifting underneath Alex. “It can be. Some couples like to celebrate their union through more traditional methods. But most go through the birthing matrix and let their children grow inside until they’re of age to get the best start in life.”

Alex arches an eyebrow at the reaction she got. “Some couples? Does that mean just men and women, or…?”

Kara shakes her head. “Any combination, really. I remember the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen had been the product of four individuals. She told me herself. Just…wow.”

Alex chuckles in amusement. “It’s hard to imagine even more beautiful Kryptonians…polygamy isn’t frowned upon on Krypton then?”

“Eh…” Kara purses her lips. “I wouldn’t say that. Houses were still expected to merge and combine prestige through marriage. They were seen as sacred unions, and divorce was absolutely out of the question. I mean, you had to stand right on the Jewel of Truth and Honor, swearing up and down to love this person for all of time and space, even unto eternity….” Her voice dropped a few octaves at the end for dramatic effect.

“Then no one cares what you do until you get married?”

“Yep,” Kara nods. “What individuals do is less important than what the overall houses do, because of the way our society was structured. If you think of corporations or businesses merging, it’d be similar to that.”

“But the House of El was pretty high up there, right? Your dad and Clark’s dad were both top dogs on the Science Council, ruling Krypton and all that.”

“Yeah…” Kara answers hesitantly.

“Then does that make you Kryptonian nobility?” Alex tilts her head.

Kara avoids her eyes. “O-of course not. We banished trifling caste systems like royalty thousands of years ago.”

“Really.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…Kara.”

“Y-es…?”

“…Are you a Kryptonian aristocrat?”

“No!” Kara protests vehemently, shooting up into the air. Literally.

Surprised, Alex is flipped onto her back ungracefully from Kara’s sudden escape, tangled in the sheets of her bed as an embarrassed alien slowly floats back down.

“I’m nothing like those arrogant, smirky, power-hungry elitists who refuse to acknowledge any other deities than Rao.” The blonde huffs, sitting on Alex’s hips with her arms crossed. “I’ll have you know they thought joining the Science Guild and the Artists Guild was silly, but I swear, if I had to see another one of their ugly buildings again…ugh! I never would have married a single one of them. If Kal-El was born first, I wouldn’t have had to deal with those…swarmy xenophobes! Architecture is more than just function, you know!”

Alex blinks up at the blonde, too distracted to decide what parts of her rant to address. She’s losing her fucking shit at how Kara’s backside feels to be cradled between her hips, soft heat combined with an alluring pressure. Ethically, she should stand against eugenics on principle, but Kara is a genetically engineered dream straddling her, Jesus fucking Christ. Alex’s weak, human heart could only take so much. She’s thankful to have chosen a pair a sweatpants to wear to bed rather than shorts like Kara has.

“Pancakes?” She chokes out.

“Yes!”

Alex blinks against the gust of wind that signals Kara’s disappearance into the next room. Sighing, Alex turns off her alarm that was supposed to let her sleep in for another two hours and drops down to the floor to run through her morning routine.

She has a lot more energy to burn off during her push ups today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This originally started as a drabble but then it really got away from me. Alex and Kara pretty much took on a life of their own. I'm not sure where this is going, but I'll try to write it as a series of one-shots so nothing feels incomplete. If there's anything you want to see me explore more of between Alex and Kara, let me know in the comments!


	2. malunioin fracture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Past events will always hold back Kara and Alex from their future until they address them. It's messy, but it's a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied when I said the angst wasn't too severe. TW: drug use. It doesn't go into detail and is only a brief mention. Read at your own discretion.

After brushing her teeth and a quick shower, Alex emerges into her open living room to find Kara making use of her excessively big couch and equally unnecessarily big screen TV. One of the stupidly great perks of her job is this beautiful, modern studio loft. While she thinks Kara’s apartment is cozy and charming, Alex prefers her neat, uncluttered, open spaces. Kara is brick and wood, while Alex is concrete and metallic accents. Because Alex doesn’t bring anyone over, it’s the perfect place for Kara to hide away in when she absolutely does not want to be disturbed.

Rubbing her hair with a towel, Alex steps into the kitchen area, taking note of the ingredients that the hungry little superhero has already laid out for her. Looks like it’s going to be a blueberry pancake day.

Glancing up as she mixes the batter, Alex quirks a smile at the “primitive animations” Kara once accused cartoons of being. She used to be horrified, because the humor was too crude for her Krypotonian sensibilities, but it ended up being her favorite way to learn English and social customs. It took a lot of explaining on Alex’s part to separate fantasy from reality.

Greasing the pan with butter, she prepares to pour a scoop of the batter into the hot pan when Alex feels a pair of strong arms wrap around her shoulders. She didn’t hear Kara come up behind her because she’s floating in the air.

“You’re using the blueberries, right?” She hears to her right.

“Mhm.”

A curtain of blonde hair spills over her shoulder as Kara moves to peer into the bowl. “Use more, please?”

Alex makes a noise of acknowledgment and retrieves the box of blueberries from her fridge to add in the batter. Kara’s arms remain wrapped around her, and she trails after Alex in the air as if she were a weightless balloon tied to her wrist.

“Better?”

“Much, thank you!” Kara chirps and watches intently as Alex makes pancakes. She sighs longingly, undoubtedly imagining how great they would taste.

Alex rolls her eyes, because she still has three more bowls of batter to go through before the endless abyss of Kara’s stomach would be remotely satisfied. She cooks in silence with nothing but cartoons playing in the background. Occasionally, she glances over at Kara who seems to be lightly dozing on Alex’s towel. Her sister sleeping in midair doesn’t concern her so much as the girl’s long legs do. They float precariously close to a few pans hanging on hooks.

She finishes the first batch and places the pile of pancakes on the island. “C’mon, time to eat,” Alex tugs gently on Kara’s ear. She receives a mumbled, “thank you,” in return as Kara detaches herself to fly over to the pancakes. Alex wordlessly hands the sleepy superhero maple syrup and winces as an ungodly amount is emptied over her food. It was more dessert than breakfast at that point.

Shaking her head, Alex goes back to cooking through the rest, having seen her sister devour more food in one sitting than a garbage truck can carry.

Halfway through the third round, Kara looks more energized. Alex has finished her small stack and sips on the coffee she just made.

“Why didn’t you go to school for architecture?” She couldn’t hold back the question any longer.

Kara pauses in mid-bite. The food slowly moves away from her face as she fidgets with her fork. “I…I was still mad, in a way.” She responds quietly. “On Krypton, I would have been known more as a structural engineer, and that would have been my purpose on my planet. But…after everything was gone…I didn’t see the point anymore.” Pushing the spongy pancake around the pool of maple syrup on her plate, Kara frowns. “I didn’t know what to do, so I kinda copied Kal-El, I guess.”

“And now?” Alex questions from behind her cup of coffee.

Kara snorts, laughing away the suggestion. “Please, like anyone’s going to accept my designs. They’ll probably tell me to go make video games and draw for Halo or something after seeing them.”

“But do you want to?”

She hesitates for only a beat. “…Yes.”

Alex taps her finger on the rim of her cup thoughtfully. “UNC’s only a twenty minute bus ride from my place, you know.”

Kara jerks her head up. “University of National City?”

“Mhm…”

“You mean you’d let me move in with you?” The awe in Kara’s voice breaks her heart a little to hear. A few years ago when Alex joined the DEO, Kara was devastated to hear that her sister was moving away and thought it was because Alex had enough of her bumbling through human social norms. To think that something as simple as letting Kara stay with her would shock her…

“Of course, Kara.” She smiles a little sadly.

“But I’ve got my job at CatCo.” The blonde deflates. “I can’t leave James and Winn to face Cat alone. And how am I going to work for the DEO if I’m in school again?”

Alex shrugs. “Just think about it, okay? If you want it, we’ll make it work.”

Nodding, Kara nibbles on her lip. As Alex cleans up, she points to Kara’s plate and the girl just shakes her head, so she throws the rest of it out. Alex is washing the dishes when she hears, “how did you know what was right for you, Alex? Becoming Supergirl was one of the few things in life that felt right to me, but anything else I just…I don’t know.”

Alex forgets that Kara doesn’t know what happened to her in college. How angry and bitter and self-loathing she became. How she was slowly destroying herself out of guilt. “I wasn’t in a good place at the time,” she admits. “J'onn gave me a choice to be better than I was, so I took it.”

She would take any opportunity to protect Kara.

Any.

“What?” Kara’s expression is one of alarm and concern. “You…you never said anything all those times I called back then.”

Alex rubs the back of her neck uncomfortably. Giving half-truths and side stepping questions about herself has become second nature to Alex, but Dr. Cho has been insisting she work on opening up herself to people close to her lately. For the past few months, really. It’s been detrimental to her relationships, and ultimately led to a streak of rash decisions that landed Alex in her current three day suspension. J'onn was furious, Lucy was livid, and Kara hasn’t left her side since.

The rapidly increasing insecurity on Kara’s face that says she’s afraid Alex might shut her out again is the final blow. She’s seen this look on Kara numerous times, and each time she had justified to herself that Kara’s hurt and disappointed reaction would be better than telling the truth. She thought she was protecting the people around her, but when the tables were turned and Kara intended to sacrifice herself without saying goodbye…

“Fuck.” She mutters, intensely disliking the fact that it was up to her to break the cycle. Alex sets down her coffee and runs a hand through her hair, frustrated. The look on Kara’s face only makes the guilt inside her churn violently.

“Alex, _please_.”

Alex hangs her head, shoulders slumping. Her guilt twists into shame, and she can’t meet Kara’s eyes. “You have to know, none of it was your fault, okay? I’m not blaming you for any of it.”

Kara fidgets in her seat, bracing herself for the worst.

Alex runs a hand through her hair again. “When I first met J'onn…I was locked in jail.”

“ _What?!_ ” The blonde chokes out in shock. “Why?”

Groaning, Alex presses her forehead to the granite counter top, already regretting this conversation. “Because I’m a human disaster, Kara, that’s why. Because nothing I did was ever good enough, and I thought if I was a failure, then I might as well commit to it.”

“You’re not a failure, Alex!” Kara interjects forcefully, looking stricken. “Why would you ever think that?”

“Yeah, try convincing Mom of that,” she mutters darkly.

Kara flies over, planting her hands on the counter. “Alex, look at me.” She insists firmly. “You are _not_ a failure! You were _always_ there for me. You _learned_ Kryptonese _for me_ , flew a spaceship to rescue me, and reconstructed an artificial intelligence developed by alien technology thousands of years ahead of your time! Do you even understand how smart and amazing—how _special_ you are? You gave me back a piece of my world I thought I would never have again, and you think you’re a failure? You save this world on a daily basis—”

“—With the help of superpowered aliens—”

“—Don’t give me that, you literally stuck a grenade down a giant Kigori and nearly blew your hand up with it!” Kara jabs her finger against Alex’s chest. The brunette stumbles back a little, not expecting it.

“It was just an overgrown spider—”

“—Do you have any idea why we’re so upset with you right now?” Kara glares. “J'onn? Lucy? Me?”

Alex frowns. Jeez, if this was the kind of reaction she’d get for opening up, no wonder why she didn’t do it sooner. “I get it, I was being stupid.”

“No, Alex! You’re not stupid, that’s the worst thing about it all. You’re the smartest person I know, but you’ve been making the awfulest decisions lately!”

“Most awful,” she grumbles under her breath.

Kara glares harder.

Alex looks sufficiently reprimanded.

Kara sighs and her voice softens. “I don’t get it, Alex…you work so hard every day to prove yourself, but the moment you step onto the field it’s like you’re ready to throw it all away for a mission. Like you don’t care how the people you’ll leave behind will feel.”

Alex’s jaw tightens. “Of course, I care, Kara!”

“Well, you’re doing the _most awful_ job of showing it!”

Before Alex can respond, Kara is gone from the room. She hears her bedroom door slamming shut and knows she’ll probably have to check the door frame for damages later. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ Alex buries her face in her hands and takes deep breaths, in and out, wondering how this went sideways so quickly. She knew this morning was too good to be true.

She wants to yell back at Kara and force her to see things from her point of view, but she’s tried that method since they were kids and it’s always yielded poor results. Break the cycle, goddammit.

Alex hesitates at her own door, resting her hand against the wood. She knows Kara hasn’t locked the door but leaves it as the physical manifestation of the divide growing bigger between them. In her head, Dr. Cho’s voice reminds her that Kara harbors abandonment issues during their last joint session and reacts defensively when the blonde feels too vulnerable. Alex does too but rarely lets herself get to that point.

It doesn’t help matters that Kara was talking about her planet earlier and compounded by what Alex heard about Kryptonians breeding out disorders, it suddenly makes sense why Kara is the more resistant one in their joint therapy sessions. Her planet probably didn’t even have a need for therapists with how smoothly their society was run. No wonder why they sentenced Astra into the Phantom Zone, rather than rehabilitating her.

Alex turns and slumps back against the door, sliding down to sit on the floor. A wave of exhaustion overcomes her. This was not the time for epiphanies about dead Aunt Astra. (Also her fault.)

“M’sorry.” She hears muffled through the door.

Alex smiles ruefully. “I deserved it. You try too hard to see the good in people.”

Silence answers her, but Kara doesn’t try to deny it either.

“I’m not as good as you think I am.” Alex tilts her head back, resting it on the door. “I was a terrible sister to you. I fought every kid who looked at you the wrong way as an excuse to lash out, because I resented the fact that nothing I did was ever good enough for our mom.” She scoffs. “Buzz and his gang were the only ones left willing to be my friends by the time high school rolled around. Remember that jackass?” Alex sucks on her teeth, fiddling with the drawstrings of her sweatpants. “That asshole was the reason I—” She cuts herself off, needing to rephrase that and take responsibility for her actions.

“ _I_ made a really bad decision one night while running with Buzz and his crew.”

“…What happened?” Comes the quiet inquiry.

Part of her really wishes Kara was still too mad to pay attention.

The air around her is saturated with guilt and self-loathing.

Alex sighs heavily and shakes her head at how stupid she was back then. “I was caught driving under the influence, and…it wasn’t for drinking.” She swallows thickly. “It was the first time I’d done anything like that. We all sniffed a few lines and thought making a beer run would be a good idea. I just went along with it to be a part of them.” Shame burns Alex’s face, because the hardest part was next. She dreads to learn Kara’s reaction and it makes her sick to her stomach.

Alex has to fight with her cowardice to push the words out of her mouth. It’s one of the hardest things she’s ever had to do. It’s like her chest is cracking open and she’s not getting enough air. Her lungs burn, and Alex wants to run out.

She stays put because it’s the right thing to do.

She’s made too many terrible decisions to keep adding to them.

“I almost hurt someone really bad that night. There was a mother and her kid, and I almost didn’t see them in time to swerve our truck away…” She confesses, pressing her palms against her watering eyes. “ _Fuck_ ,” she mutters. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Dad was gone, Mom hated me, and I just— _goddammit!_ ” She bends forward as she rubs her tears away in frustration and self-loathing, unable to finish the rest of her story.

The door unlatches behind Alex, and Kara crawls into her lap wordlessly. The blonde wraps her legs and arms around Alex, tucking her face into the crook of her sister’s neck.

 _No, please,_ Alex thinks. _I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve you, you’re so much better than I am._

“Kara, you _saved_ a mother and daughter while I nearly killed them." Alex squeezes her eyes shut, her voice cracking. "We couldn’t be more different. J'onn didn’t—he didn't choose me for the DEO because I was _special_. He chose me because _you_ were my sister.”

Kara tightens herself around Alex, and for a few minutes, the only sounds the fill the hallway are Alex’s choked sobs. Alex keeps her hands balled into fists, drilling her knuckles into the floor and refusing comfort while Kara _gives, and gives, and gives._

Kara offers forgiveness at every corner, and Alex finally surrenders.

She cries into Kara’s shoulder until her tears expose the cracks inside. Kara holds her together.

“I’m sorry,” Alex croaks. “I’m so sorry, I’m horrible, I’m not who you think I am—”

“Alex.” Kara murmurs softly.

She quiets, ready to face her judgment.

But Kara is not like her mother, and she will readily trade justice for mercy and compassion.

Alex looks up when Kara cradles her wet cheeks tenderly. There’s a sadness reflected in Kara’s blue eyes that sees more than just this moment. “It must have been hard for you to carry that guilt alone. Oh, Alex…” She breathes out, pressing her lips to her sister’s forehead. “May you never walk through darkness alone under Rao’s guiding light.”

Alex closes her eyes and it feels like absolution.

“ _Ndivi-te_ , I don’t deserve you.” She whispers brokenly.

 _My light_ , Alex thinks.

“Shh…” Kara smiles against her forehead. “That’s considered blasphemy in some circles, you know.”

Her arms finally wrap around Kara’s middle, clinging tightly to the blonde.

“You should be disgusted by me.”

“I’m not.” Kara says firmly. “I know you’ve learned from it, and you’ve dedicated every day since to protecting this world from the shadows. You don’t have to do it alone.” She tucks Alex’s hair behind her ear. “You belong with me.”

Alex knows it’s not a lie, but she can’t make herself believe it either.

Kara nuzzles her face against Alex’s neck and breathes deeply. “Come back to bed,” she murmurs.

Alex wants nothing more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, who turned up the angst in here? 
> 
> On another note: I spent like...2 hours trying to wrap my head around the linguistic prowess displayed by the people who translated Kryptonese (google kryptonian info if you want to know more). I only minored in Linguistics in college, so it was both fascinating and a challenge to try and understand. I'm not quite sure if using "my light" as a term of endearment works in the language, but I'm going for it until someone says no. From what I read, honorifics double as familial possessives.
> 
> I mean, it technically should be written in Kryptonese ideography, but I'm not going to risk those pesky blank rectangles that show up when someone can't display the fonts necessary. Besides, it's more fun when I do the work and sound out what it should be for you.
> 
> I'm interpreting "Ndivi-te" as my light/light- (possessive) my.


	3. foundation work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex tries her best.

“Stop hovering.”

Kara ducks away shyly, redoing her hair into a tight bun for the third time. “I could take a day off. I haven’t taken a sick day or vacation in…ever.” She offers.

Alex gives Kara a look. “And suffer the wrath of that hellcat when you’re not there to perfectly heat up her latte?”

“Hey! I’ve been promoted, remember? I’ll have you know I write fluff pieces _and_ fetch lattes now.”

She shakes her head, waving off the blonde from where she’s lounging in bed. “I’ll be fine, Kara. All I have for today is a mandatory session with Dr. Cho.”

“Tell Abigail I said hi,” Kara says distractedly. She examines herself in the mirror for any parts of her Supergirl outfit sticking out from under her skirt and blouse.

“You don’t even like her.”

“I have nothing against _her_ ,” Kara protests. “She’s a nice person.”

“Uh huh.”

Kara bends down and gives Alex a stern look. Well, as stern of a look that she can give. “Don’t get into trouble today.”

“Not without calling you first,” she quips back.

A smile breaks over Kara’s face before she remembers she was trying to be serious. “I mean it, Alex.”

Chuckling, Alex sits up and kisses the worried pinch of Kara’s forehead. “I promise. Now go before you have to fly to get to work on time.”

Kara hesitates, and it’s clear that she’d rather stay.

“ _Go_ ,” Alex presses.

The blonde grimaces. “Fine, fine.” She picks up her glasses off of Alex’s nightstand. “I might not be back until dinner. J'onn wants my help testing some of the new exo suits.”

“They better not touch mine.”

Kara laughs. “I’m pretty sure you’ve scared Chavez and Seymour from even thinking about it. Sara’s the only one who’s not completely terrified of you.”

“She’s new. She’ll learn.” Alex shrugs.

“She,” Kara leans down again to kiss her sister’s cheek, “happens to have a big crush on you. Don’t be mean. I love you.”

Alex covers the way her heart flutters with a smirk. “Love you too.” Because leaving out the _I_ makes it perfectly fine to say out loud.

Kara is gone from the room for three seconds before Alex hears, “is Noonan’s okay for dinner?”

“Sure,” she calls back. “And tell Vasquez she owes me fifty.”

Kara’s bright laughter sounds through the loft. “Oh, no. I’m not getting in the middle of that. Stop betting on how many times you can make J'onn reach for his Oreos in a day!” The front door clicks shut soon after.

Alex smiles and closes her eyes to savor the warmth Kara leaves her with until her chest feels empty at her absence.

She isn’t entirely over the conversation that happened yesterday, and Alex knows that Kara isn’t either. She woke up this morning with an armful of puppy-eyed Kryptonian asking if Alex wanted something from her favorite food truck in Chicago.

Shaking her head at her sister’s ridiculousness, Alex rolls on her back and instantly regrets it. The sinking pressure on her chest only increases. She should get up instead.

Alex flops onto her side.

Well, there was an effort.

Laying boneless in bed, she mentally puts together a list of things she needs to accomplish today.

Therapy, of course.

A shower would do her some good.

She had yet to go through her morning work out.

Breakfast?

Alex sighs, and it feels like the rest of her energy goes with it. None of those tasks were motivating enough to get her out of bed. Nothing about them was urgent, and no one was relying on her to complete them.

She takes another deep breath to sigh but pauses this time. The smell of Kara’s shampoo fills her senses. Alex hates herself a little more for acting like a lovesick fool, but she buries her face into the pillow anyway. It smells like fresh rain and fills her with a sense of calm and peace.

 _Goddammit, you useless lesbian_ , she hears Lucy’s voice play in her head.

“Fuck you too, Lucy.” Alex mumbles.

She’s dozing in and out of consciousness when her phone vibrates with a text. It’s Kara.

 **KD:** If I tattoo “Kara” to my forehead, do you think my boss will finally remember my name?

Alex rolls her eyes. Again, her sister is ridiculous.

 **AD:** literally impossible for you to get a tattoo

 **AD:** and mom would kill me if i made it possible

 **KD:** Boo, Alex. Indulge my fantasies, why don’t you?

Alex smiles wryly because there’s a lot of fantasies she’d like to indulge, alright.

 **AD:** sounds kinda dirty when you say it like that

 **KD:** That’s what she said!!!

 **KD:** Did I do it right this time?

Oh my god, why is she in love with this idiot?

 **KD:** Uh oh, gotta go! xoxoplij’

Alex snorts at the gibberish. Knowing Kara, she almost got caught and was trying to hastily hide her phone. A small smile makes it way onto Alex’s face. What a dork.

Even so, Kara is a welcome reprieve from her gloom. Alex recalls her sister expressing interest in attending school for architecture. Kara might have had her job at CatCo, but if her only concern was leaving her friends alone, well…that’s not much of a future.

Yes, Alex understands that Kara is using the job as a way to keep her grounded, but it didn’t exactly prevent her from going on a fucking suicide mission, now did it? Maybe Alex could pick their therapist’s brain for ideas.

Forcing her heavy limbs to move, Alex runs through her morning routine and feels a little lighter after her shower. Shirt, leather jacket, jeans, done. Her issued sidearm hasn’t been released to her yet, but she has a personal one in the glove compartment of her Jeep and a knife tucked in her boot. They’ll have to do.

She grabs her phone, wallet, keys, and “FBI” badge before she’s out the door. Oh, and a banana. She can pick up coffee on the way there.

The building she enters is a general medical facility of the DEO. Most all medical, dental, vision, and mental health services are available here. It’s also convenient, because no one really knows your business when you step into the building.

Alex throws away her emptied coffee cup and steps into the elevator for their DEO-assigned therapist.

Dr. Abigail Cho is a very sensible woman, at least that’s what Alex thinks. Her best guess is that Abigail is Korean, in her mid-forties, and has Seen Some Shit™, because she’s damn near unflappable by anything Alex has told her. And only one of them deals with aliens on a consistent basis.

“Good morning, Alex.” Abigail smiles kindly as Alex walks into her office. “Feel free to make yourself comfortable.”

“Dr. Cho.” Alex nods in greeting and glances around the room for the twentieth-some time, taking in the numerous photographs that came from different countries. She already knows the best exit strategies and that their best bet is to flip over the desk to take cover behind should they ever come under fire, but she runs through every scenario she can think of again and looks for things out of place.

Tilting her head, Alex looks more closely at a picture she’s never seen before. A gaunt, shrunken man leans against a cracked concrete wall. The military uniform he wears is torn and seems two sizes too big for him. The name tag is faint, but Alex can make out most of the foreign language.

“Is this from Burma?” She asks curiously.

“It is,” Abigail leaves her seat from behind her desk to join Alex by the picture. “I was recently there documenting prisoners of war. This man clothed himself having taken the uniform off of an enemy officer he killed.” That was another thing Alex appreciated about Abigail—the woman didn’t pass judgment. Or at least she hid it very well.

It also makes Alex want to prod at how far Abigail’s lack of judgment extends.

“Do you think it’s right for people to do whatever it takes to survive?”

Abigail considers the question, observing Alex’s forced casualness. “So far, I think morality has had very little say in evolution. If an individual has the will to survive, they will find a way.”

Alex gives her a wry smile. “Avoiding the question?”

Abigail’s smile doesn’t leave her face. “Not at all, Alex. Morals are strictly a privilege for the living. The dead feel no shame.”

The younger woman furrows her brows. “I asked you a question about morals, not shame.”

“Didn’t you?”

Alex blinks.

“Are you not asking if you should be ashamed to be alive?”

Caught, Alex averts her gaze. “…Depends. What’s your answer?”

Abigail mirrors the wry smile Alex gave her earlier. “That also depends. Who’s making you feel ashamed, yourself or others?”

Alex purses her lips. She likes Abigail a little less now.

“Both. Me, probably.” Alex crosses her arms, fighting the urge to shrug off Abigail’s question. “I don’t know. Just everything. How am I supposed to know?”

“Narrow your focus,” Abigail advises patiently. “Start with the people closest to you and work outward.”

“Kara,” Alex names instantly. “I can’t look at her without feeling guilty and ashamed sometimes. She tries so hard to be kind and understanding that I can barely stand it. So many other people could be benefiting from her compassion, but instead, I’m selfishly soaking it all up. I’ve dragged her into this world, and if she had never revealed herself to save me, she could have gone on to have a normal, happy life.”

Abigail doesn’t look at all surprised that Alex has named her sister first.

Alex runs a hand roughly through her hair before tightly crossing her arms again.

“Instead, she’s out there with me on almost every mission, terrified whenever I get hurt and working herself into a panic. It shouldn’t be like that.”

“Then what should it have been like, Alex?”

“Like ripping off a band-aid. Quick. One call, one funeral. Boom. Done. Mourn for a month or two and move on. That’s how easy it would be if she had known me as nothing more than her asshole sister. None of this ‘will she, won’t she die’ kind of thing. She’s refused to leave my side for the past two days, you know? I didn’t even get hurt this time!“

Abigail deliberately does not react.

“Hank and Lucy—er, Director Henshaw and Major Lane are definitely pissed. I mean, there’s no helping that. I disobeyed direct orders and shoved a grenade down a giant spider’s throat, but it was the easiest way to get behind its impenetrable armor. Took it down, no civilian casualties. Minimal property damage. I’d consider it a win.”

Alex huffs, shifting her hands to her hips. “And you already know about my mom. She honestly will not let that day go, and—oh, I managed to tell Kara about that day, actually.”

Abigail nods encouragingly. “That’s wonderful, I know it was one of the things you’ve been working toward. How did it go?”

“…Eh.” Alex shrugs, crossing her arms again. “Good, I guess. I mean, you know Kara, she’ll forgive anything under the sun. But then I’m taking advantage of her when she’s letting my actions slide, because I’m one of the few people she has.” She pauses here, rubbing the back of her neck. “I don’t like it.” Alex already feels awful enough craving Kara’s affections when her sister is oblivious to her attraction.

Abigail can tell Alex has more she wants to say, so she waits for her to gather her thoughts.

They both pretend to divert their attention to the photographs lining the bookshelf until Alex finds her words. “So…I wanted to get your opinion on giving Kara an opportunity to build something for herself outside of Supergirl. Literally.”

Abigail thinks there is a little too much going on here that she needs to step back and reflect on, so she readily accepts Alex’s change of subject. “Is this something Kara is interested in?”

Alex nods, tucking her hands inside her pockets. “She’s always had an eye for art, but recently she’s told me about how she wanted to be an architect.” Of course, loosely paraphrasing here. “I was thinking it’d be a good idea if she had the opportunity to go to grad school. She’d be around more people at her age, so to speak, and then she wouldn’t have to hide how smart she really is.”

Alex’s last comment makes Abigail blink. “Hide how smart she is? This is the first I’ve heard of this.”

“She’s never mentioned it?” Alex pauses, tilting her head. Then again, with how guarded Kara is in therapy, it makes sense she wouldn’t voluntarily divulge information about herself freely. “Kara…well, let’s put it this way—she was born into a culture with a head start of over a couple thousand years from us. Most all Kryptonian children were mentored by personal robots, because intelligence was the most desired trait among their species.”

Alex has to choose her words carefully, because while she doesn’t believe Abigail is a threat, their sessions are still on record at the DEO and so is whatever Alex says. She needs to be careful deciding what to reveal about Krypton. Who knows what digital prying eyes lie in wait?

“Kara’s ridiculously smart. In fact, when she first arrived, she was a little _too_ smart.” Alex frowns, remembering how her younger self felt threatened that Kara would easily replace her, because the alien seemed to be better than her in every way. “She stuck out like a sore thumb, and kids her age thought she was weird. My parents would spend hours coaching Kara on how to be normal. Nothing above average. She stammers, not just because she’s nervous or awkward, but because she’s constantly trying to filter herself.”

Abigail absorbs this new information with a slight crease to her eyebrows. Alex notices it immediately. “What?” She questions, a little defensively.

“It must have been exceedingly difficult for her.” Abigail answers neutrally, carefully observing her patient.

Scowling, Alex looks to the side. “Yeah, it was. My dumb ass didn’t help make it any easier. Point is, I think studying architecture will give Kara more reasons to stick around and remind her that she has a place in this world, not only as Supergirl.” She shakes her head and sighs. “I mean, it’s not perfect, I know. She struggled through college enough the first time. It was like watching someone used to a calculator make due with an abacus, and then multiply that difficulty by ten. That’s how much more advanced her education was.”

Abigail raises an eyebrow, and Alex shrugs.

“I’m hoping architecture will be less stressful, since she’ll mostly be designing.”

Alex shuts herself up and the room is quiet for a few minutes. She shifts impatiently on her feet. If Abigail didn’t already suspect Alex was in love with her own sister, she definitely did now. At least the good doctor has the sense not to bring it up unless Alex does first.

And Alex was never, ever going to be having that particular conversation.

“I don’t see why not.” Abigail finally says.

Alex lets out a quiet sigh of relief. “Really?”

“I think it’s great that you’re actively finding more ways for Kara to anchor herself to this world. I will admit my progress with her is slower than I thought it would be, but I’m glad to see how hard you’re working on yourself as well, Alex. There’s no doubt in my mind that you are essential to Kara’s health, and the only way you will be able to support her is if you are mentally healthy enough to do so.”

“I almost sound noble.” Alex huffs a laugh.

She hasn’t been able to take a compliment since she was sixteen. She also isn’t the type to draw even more attention to herself by denying praise, so she’s developed a system of thanking the person gracefully or deflecting with a joke. She chooses the latter this time and quickly changes the subject.

“So, do you know if there’s anything I can do to make this happen?”

Abigail nods. “The two of you are DEO agents, and while the department does not officially exist, both of you _do_ work for the government. In fact, your cover as an FBI agent comes with benefits for your family. Your sister may be able to apply through you as a proxy to have her education subsidized by the government, Alex, if not at least open a few doors.”

The pensive look on her therapist’s face gives Alex a bad feeling. “…Now what?”

Abigail gives her a measured smile. “I can see that you’re very concerned with your sister’s future.”

The feeling of dread only grows. “But…?”

“Your most recent actions in the field have been reported by both your superiors as reckless, placing your own life in an unnecessary amount of danger.” The older woman is not intimidated by the sudden scowl on Alex’s face. “You go out of your way to ensure the people you care for have a future to look forward to. Do you not see one for yourself?”

_I’m expendable, I’m expendable, I’m expendable._

Alex shrugs, trying for nonchalant.

“Just takin’ it one day at a time.” Glancing at the clock, Alex clicks her tongue. “My hour’s up. Wow, time sure flies.” She deadpans and tries not to make it completely obvious that she’s running out the door.

“Alex,” Abigail calls out to her gently.

From the tone of her voice, Alex can tell the woman knows exactly what she’s not saying. Her hand tightens over the doorknob. “Yeah?”

“For this week’s goal, I’d like for you to go out to dinner with one of your friends. It doesn’t have to be significant. Just catch up with them. Bring Kara with you if you’d like.”

Going out to dinner is a lot easier than going into the details of why she’s a trash person.

Alex nods before leaving.

Normally, a session would be draining, but today’s has left her with a lot to think about. She leans back against the elevator wall as it descends, wondering when she started getting more reckless in the field. Kara was the one who had issues with authority, not her. Alex was efficient and disciplined. Maybe Kara was rubbing off on her in more ways than she thought.

Halfway down, the elevator pauses to pick up another person. The doors open to reveal none other than Lacy Lane. The shorter brunette glares icily at Alex but enters the elevator anyway.

Alex sighs. She was hoping to avoid another verbal ass-chewing until she was back at work.

“So,” she breaks the frosty silence. “I’m an idiot, and I’m sorry.”

“Damn right you are,” Lucy snaps, turning on Alex like an enraged tiger. “Of all the stupid, boneheaded things you could do—like it wasn’t enough to take on three mutated chimeras by yourself last month—now, you go and decide to shove a grenade down a Kigori’s throat! I am SO mad at you!”

With every angry exclamation, Lucy presses into Alex’s space until the agent is nervously pinned against the wall by the sheer force of Lucy’s wrath.

“Uh…duly noted?” She gives Lucy a crooked smile.

Lucy ignores Alex’s weak attempt at pacifying her. “30 seconds, Alex. You literally had to stall for just 30 seconds before your back up arrived.” She growls. “I am sick and tired of you disregarding my orders just because you feel like it!”

Alex goes to reply, but Lucy is right in her face. “Do you have any idea how bad it looks when the second-in-command is constantly undermined by her own agent? Do you?” Lucy jabs her finger at Alex’s chest to drive her point home.

At least the smaller woman is using her words this time, rather than whooping her ass with a bo staff.

Alex’s phone chimes.

“Uh…”

Lucy huffs, taking a step back to cross her arms, still fuming.

Glancing at the notification on her phone to make sure it wasn’t an emergency, Alex raises her brow. “It’s for you,” Alex tells Lucy dryly and holds up the text for her to read.

 **KD:** YOU TELL HER, LUCY!!!!

Lucy can’t hold back her laugh. It was the last thing she suspected. “How does she even…?”

“Super hearing.” Alex supplies helpfully.

Lucy shakes her head, sighing. “You two are ridiculous.” She narrows her eyes at Alex, although she's lost most of her steam. “I’m still mad at you.”

Their elevator pauses at the garage level, and Lucy leaves right away when the doors open. Alex hesitates for a second before following.

“Lucy, wait.”

The shorter woman reluctantly turns from her storm-off. “What?” She asks flatly.

“I’m sorry, you’re right.” Alex rubs the back of her neck guiltily. “Let me buy you dinner to make up for it? You and Kara can band together and tell me how stupid I’ve been lately.”

It’s a cheap shot, because Alex knows that Lucy genuinely enjoys Kara’s company, but they don’t get to hang out much due to various circumstances. Besides, her therapist said she had to invite a friend, so...two birds, one stone.

Lucy weighs the promise of good food and wine against her rights to berate Alex’s stupid decisions.

Alex receives another text that she shows Lucy.

 **KD:** OMG!! Lucy, say yes!! It’s going to be so much fun!!

Lucy rolls her eyes. “Fine,” she relents with a fond little smile at the text. “You play dirty, Danvers!” She throws over her shoulder as she walks away. “Text me the details.”

Alex feels a mild sense of accomplishment.

Kara still texts her every hour, hiding her concern by sending Alex links to cute cat videos or updating her on the latest CatCo office gossip. Alex takes it all in stride as she moves down the list of things she needs to accomplish today.

Parking on campus at University of National City, she has a staring contest with her phone. She really doesn’t want to call her mom. Alex groans, hoping she can have a civil conversation with the woman for once. In all honesty, she’d rather call Maxwell Lord to hack into Kara’s old college for her transcripts than to call her mom for them. The only problem with that plan is 1) illegal, 2) she can’t stand the thought of owing Maxwell any favors.

_Fuck._

Biting the bullet, Alex calls her mom.

“Hello?”

Alex grimaces and forces herself to carry on. “Hi, Mom. How are you?”

“Oh, Alex! It’s been so long since I’ve heard from you. I was beginning to think you forgot about me.”

“Of course not…we, uh…keep odd hours at the DEO.”

“Well, I hope you aren’t overworking your sister. Poor girl has two jobs she’s working.”

“We—”

“I’m very worried about your sister, Alex. Are you sure she’s eating enough? Does she get enough sleep? All that fighting can’t be good for Kara. She’s has such a sensitive soul.”

“Oh my god, _Mom_.” Alex groans. “Relax, Kara has been doing great. She’s been staying at my place more often, because it’s basically a block from our most recent headquarters. I’ve been keeping an eye on her, don’t worry.”

“Good, good. I’m glad to hear that, Alex. Did you need something?”

“Yes, actually. Could you email me Kara’s college transcripts?”

“The ones from Stanhope? What for?”

Alex hesitates for a bit. “Um…well, Kara’s shown interest in going back to school for architecture, so…I just thought I’d clear the way.”

“Oh, Alex! That’s _wonderful_.” Alex breathes a sigh of relief. “It’s about time you started being a good influence on your little sister.” Alex’s face falls at that, resisting the urge to facepalm.

If only her mom knew how much she wanted to bang said sister.

Over the years, Alex had gotten pretty good at picking the battles between her and her mother to fight. This was not one of those battles. She waits a few more minutes for her mother to express her excitement before interrupting bluntly.

“Right, so. I’m about to check out UNC’s campus. Send me her transcripts, okay?”

“Sure, honey. Make sure she takes a few civil engineering classes while she’s there. I love you.”

“Love you too,” Alex echoes, hanging up. She doesn’t bother correcting her mom that Kara hasn’t officially decided yet.

She takes a minute to gather her composure before exiting her car.

UNC’s Architectural Department is remarkably easy to find. The buildings are divided between cutting-edge modernism and abstract, colorful shapes that buildings have no business being.  
  
It’s easy enough to find someone to give her a tour of their facilities. A young, blonde woman introduces herself as Linda, one of the TAs in the department. Alex politely keeps her amusement to herself at how her tour guide blushes and stammers as they walk through the buildings.

Students are in the middle of their fall quarter, and many of them take advantage of the wide, open rooms to set up their projects in. They gather around intricate designs, discussing buoyancy, wind resistance, and “how cool would it be if Godzilla hung off the side of it?” Alex chuckles at the conversations she overhears, thinking that Kara would fit in here.

One thing in particular catches Alex’s eye. “Linda, are these 3D printers?”

“Oh! Let me show you.” She takes a detour from the route they were on, ducking into a room lined with computers and 3D printers of all sizes, from compact blocks the size of a basketball to large, industrial sized behemoths. “Our curriculum has adopted 3D printing for a few years now, because a lot of our designers have switched to digital. It really helps to minimize wasted materials before projects are ready to be finalized.”

Alex steps closer to examine them. The DEO had something similar they would use to create prosthetics for disguises. “How detailed can these get?” She asks curiously.

Linda grins, eager for a chance to show off. “Oh boy, like you wouldn’t believe!” She fires up one of the computers to load her own project as a demonstration. “Now, there are still traditionalists who love to sculpt their work—which is perfectly fine, we can accommodate them too—but!” She manipulates the cityscape of her project, singling out one labrador retriever, digitially sculpts a few more details on it, then sends it to the printer. “They can’t do _that_. Boom, baby!”

“They sure can’t,” Alex murmurs, watching the 3D printer build a physical model of the dog from the ground up.

Linda opens the glass door after it’s finished and shyly offers the palm-sized dog to Alex. With a bit of a paint job, this would make a pretty convincing model of a dog.

“Thank you.” Alex smiles as she accepts the gift, holding back a chuckle at how bashful the TA looks. She takes pity on Linda and changes the subject. “Say I wanted to buy one of these myself. Which one would you recommend and with what software?”

“Oh, wow…I mean, they can get pretty pricey but…”

As Linda rattles off about suitable build volume and micron layer resolution, Alex takes notes on her phone, tucking the dog figurine into the pocket of her leather jacket. When Linda offers her number to answer any other questions, Alex gratefully accepts because she could use the help.

She leaves the campus with applications and pamphlets that she stores in a neatly arranged folder, courtesy of Linda. Alex is satisfied with what their curriculum has to offer and the people seem friendly enough.

Now to sweeten the deal.

She has to call up a few tech stores until she finds one that can do a same-day delivery. The guy on the other end is pretty helpful with advice about what she needs to get started with a 3D printer and which tablet would be best for rendering designs. The guy promises the delivery will arrive before night with the express option she’s paying for, and Alex really hopes Kara will like this, because she just dropped all the money she was saving for a motorcycle.

As she hangs up, her phone chimes.

Kara has sent a selfie of herself with Winn and James eating lunch.

Another picture soon follows.

The elevator doors in the background have started to open while Winn and James have become panicked blurs in the picture. Kara’s wide, smiling face fills the corner of the screen.

 **KD:** GOT THEM, LOL. I told them Miss Grant was on the elevator, but it was empty. (I sneakily pushed it.)

Alex chuckles at her dork of a sister.

 **AD:** using your powers for evil, hm?

 **KD:** Muahahaha!

 **KD:** When are we having dinner with Lucy?

 **AD:** friday? she’ll want to go to benedict’s, clean out my wallet with steak and wine.

 **KD:** Ooh! Me too!

 **AD:** lol, thanks kara

 **KD:** <3

Her grumbling stomach reminds Alex that she should eat lunch as well. It’s her last day of suspension, so Alex decides to treat herself with a Cuban sandwich from one of the best cafes in the city.

Six months ago, she cold-clocked an insectoid on the corner of this street. Kara fought with Red Tornado here fourteen months ago. She had to give it to Maxwell Lord, his team coordinated quick repairs. People move on with their lives, adapting as soon as imminent danger passes.

Alex takes a large bite of her sandwich. Kara frequently remarks that Alex eats like she was raised by wolves. While true, it’s also somewhat ironic coming from the most voracious eater in the family.

She watches people mill on by with their daily lives, taking comfort in the mundane. There’s a quiet sense of satisfaction to know the work she does means that these people won’t have to witness the horror and destruction her team does. Alex is grateful to the DEO—to J'onn—for giving her a purpose. She needs to do a better job of showing it.

A loud cry of panic interrupts her musings.

Her head shoots up to identify the situation in a split second.

Alex is vaulting herself over the fence of the cafe rather than reaching for the knife in her boot.

There’s a little boy chasing his balloon as his mother cries out in horror, and a bus driver desperately working the brakes, screeching downhill, full of scared passengers.

_(No.)_

Alex’s feet slam against the pavement as she demands for her body to move faster.

_(No!)_

The boy has finally turned to see the giant face of the bus barreling down on him as it screams in warning.

_(NO!)_

The grill of the bus is so close that she can see nicks and scratches in the chrome.

_(NOT TODAY!)_

She dives for the little boy with more determination than a linebacker trying to stop a championship touchdown. It wasn’t the gentlest of rescues, but as Alex tucks his face against her chest and her back bounces roughly off the hood of a car parked on the side of the street, she thinks that the boy will recover from a full body tackle faster than a speeding bus.

Alex crashes painfully on her side, still protecting the young boy from the worst of the impact. She’s momentarily dazed and doesn’t hear what the people crowding around them are saying.

All she knows is that the boy in her arms is crying.

“Hey…” She murmurs, carefully sitting up with him. Alex checks him over for any obvious injuries, rubbing the boy’s back. “It’s okay, you’re safe now.”

He looks up at her, scared and unable to articulate his fears except to cry about his balloon.

Alex doesn’t hold it against him.

“Yeah, that sucks, buddy.” She winces, digging into her jacket pocket for the model dog to placate him. Thankfully, it wasn’t the side she landed on. “How ‘bout a doggy, huh? This lil’ guy will keep you safe with his doggy kisses.” Alex presses the plastic muzzle to the boy’s cheek, and he giggles a little, distracted from tears.

His mother finally pushes her way through the crowd to cling to her son.

_Oh, god._

The sight of it breaks her.

Alex almost died right there too.

This sobbing woman could’ve been Kara crying over her.

Her lunch churns violently in her stomach, and Alex pushes away from the boy, the mother, the people surrounding them with their cameras—she just needs to get away.

Abigail’s words come back to her, and it’s all she can hear.

_You go out of your way to ensure the people you care for have a future to look forward to. Do you not see one for yourself?_

No, she doesn’t.

Alex staggers back to her car, leaning heavily against the side of it.

She squeezes her eyes shut, focusing on her breathing.

Once the adrenaline wears off, Alex opens her eyes and sees the leather of her jacket is badly scuffed and partially torn at the shoulder. Pain lances up her arm, and it complements the guilt stabbing at her heart.

What happened to learning her lesson?

Why did she insist on being the hero?

She sighs, knocking the back of her head against the window of her car.

_Stupid._

When Alex is certain she didn’t receive a concussion, she gets into her car to get checked out at the DEO’s medical facility for the second time that day. Two hours later, she walks out with a prescription of painkillers but thankfully no cast. Nothing was broken.

She waits until she’s home before taking the recommended dose to ease her pain, stowing the rest of it away in her nightstand. Alex makes one attempt at changing her clothes and gives up. Her jacket is staying on forever. Bending over to unlace her boots is impossible as well, so her couch will just have to deal with it.

Despite her thoughts, Alex is careful to prop her legs over the arm of the couch, dangling her boots in the air. The position is extremely uncomfortable, and when her body begins to finally relax, the lobby buzzes about her delivery.

Alex is 100% done with today.

Her phone soon rings.

Still the lobby.

“Yes, please send them up.” She answers with a groan.

Alex pushes herself up with herculean effort to answer her door. She smiles thinly at delivery man, signing for her order with one hand. The man is quickly clued in on Alex’s rough day, judging by her jerky movements and torn up jacket. He gestures to the large box sitting on a dolly.

“Uh…ma’am, would you like me to…?”

“Please.” Alex shuffles away from the door, pointing at the open space next to the large windows leading to her terrace. “I’ll give you fifty dollars to set up and install everything for me,” she offers seriously.

The man shrugs. “Okay.”

Thirty minutes later, a 3D printer the size of a one-door closet sits in her living room. The guy is nice enough to humor her and throw a sheet over it. The tablet is charging on the coffee table. The delivery man also takes the empty boxes with him. Alex is confident enough that Kara will find some way to use these purchases, so she isn’t concerned with returning them.

She locks her door behind the delivery man, who happily collects his fifty from her, and Alex collapses on her couch. This entire day has been mentally and physically taxing. When her painkillers kick in, she knocks out.

True to Kara’s word, she doesn’t return until dinner. When Alex comes to, Kara is frowning as she’s unlacing Alex’s boots in her pajamas. The smell of fettuccine alfredo fills the air.

“Alex…” Kara starts warningly.

Shit.

“I was gone for less than twelve hours….and you somehow managed to get yourself trending on Twitter.” She narrows her eyes.

Alex has to bite down on the fuzzy thought that Kara looks just as beautiful in the silver light of the moon as she does in the rising sun.

“Twitter?” She questions in confusion.

“Mhm. As of ten minutes ago.” Kara answers primly, tugging off Alex’s other boot and divesting Alex of her knife, leaving it on the coffee table.

“I can explain.” She winces, trying to push herself up.

Kara is immediately hovering over her, hands pressing gently down on her chest. “There’s nothing to explain, Alex. You saved a little boy. People are calling you a hero and want to know who you are.”

_Then why do I feel like a disappointment?_

Alex lays back down uneasily, searching Kara’s face for any traces of anger. The blonde’s features are obscured by the curtain of hair tumbling over from both sides of her head.

Kara’s hand traces over the rips of her jacket, and Alex hears her take a shaky breath.

“Are you okay?” Kara asks quietly.

“Yeah.” She answers, reaching up with her good arm to cup Kara’s cheek.

The Kyrptonian leans into her touch and sighs. “I knew I should’ve taken today off.”

“But then I wouldn’t have been able to get this awesome surprise for you,” Alex quirks a corner of her lips at Kara.

Tossing her long, blonde hair over one shoulder, Kara lowers herself until her body is just barely touching Alex’s. She gives her sister a playfully skeptical look. “Really? You mean you had something in mind other than heart-stopping anxiety for me?”

Alex smiles sheepishly, ignoring the way her pulse races from their proximity. “There was supposed to be a big reveal.”

“Mm, I can see how that would be difficult right now.”

She blushes at Kara’s gentle teasing and points at the covered present for lack of anything better to say. Kara’s eyes follow in the direction of Alex’s finger. She flies over to pull the sheet off and isn’t sure what she’s looking at.

“Um, Alex?”

Pushing herself up, Alex lets out a pained groan and tries to stretch out her stiff muscles. Kara looks up sharply in concern, but Alex waves it off. “Bring the tablet over here,” she points.

The Kryptonian dutifully retrieves the item, unsure of what to expect, and settles into Alex’s good side.

Remembering what Linda showed her, Alex demonstrates how to use the program to Kara and ends up creating a misshapen cowboy hat. She sends it off to the printer for the hell of it.

Kara flies over and watches in fascination as the 3D printer synthetically weaves together Alex’s awful creation. She gasps in delight when the small hat is finished, looking excited as she turns it over and over in her hands.

Kara zooms over, trading the tablet in Alex’s hands with the pasta from Noonan’s and settles into her sister’s side again. She nibbles on her lip in concentration, playing with the controls until she has a good grasp of them.

Alex is too tired to really eat, but she makes herself take the occasional bite. She’s more enraptured by the adorable expressions that Kara’s making. The joy of creation is plain to see on Kara’s face, and the blonde will tap Alex’s knee excitedly to share whatever cool new feature she discovers.

Alex’s eyes grow heavier and heavier as she drifts in and out of sleep. The last thing she sees is of Kara staring intently at the 3D printer building a miniature model of her home on Krypton, and for the first time in a while, Alex feels like she’s finally done something right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know what's crazy...? I've already started planning Book 2.......


	4. markings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They keep blushing around each other and are so painfully obvious.

Alex wakes to soft, ticklish puffs of cool air next to her ear. Kara’s rhythmic breathing is a familiar and comforting sound.

She’s still dressed in her clothes from yesterday, and she feels as bad as her jacket looks. She doesn’t remember moving from the couch, so Kara must have carried her to bed.

Her sister curls protectively around her uninjured side, an arm draped low on Alex’s hips to avoid aggravating the deep bruises. For all the strength inside of her, Kara is soft and warm, seductively lulling her back to sleep.

Alex wants to obey, but her entire left side is protesting in agony. Her muscles are tense and her shoulder feels locked into place from the pain. Sleeping on her back hasn’t done it any wonders either. She needs to check the time because the sun’s up and both of them are going to be late for work, but her arm is not cooperating.

“Kara.” Alex speaks lowly, her voice scratchy with sleep. She tilts her head to press her forehead against her sister’s, because her good arm is trapped between their bodies. “Kara,” she repeats again more firmly. “Wake up.”

Her sister inhales deeply and burrows closer before peering up at her blearily.

Not the reaction Alex was aiming for.

Their lips are dangerously close.

Alex starts to ask about the time, but Kara’s breaths brush over her lips.

The words get lost in her throat.

Her sister blinks up at her.

Alex swallows thickly and goes to try again, shifting minutely behind the collar of her jacket to separate them.

Kara gives her a look. “Don’t tell me you’re thinking about work right now.” She grumbles.

Alex’s jaw drops. “What’re you talking about? Both of us have work today.”

“We really don’t.”

It takes a few seconds to connect the dots. “…Kara, you didn’t.”

Her sister’s hand tightens over Alex’s hip. “Can we please not argue right now, Alex?” Kara asks quietly. “Just…not right now, okay? I already called it in.”

It doesn’t seem right to take a day off on the same day she’s supposed to return from her suspension. Alex gathers her nervous energy and exhales, wincing when her ribs pinch.

Kara tenses beside her. Alex can see that the Kryptonian has squeezed her eyes shut.

“I’m fine,” Alex smiles ruefully. “You can look.”

Kara immediately glances up at Alex to confirm she has permission then focuses her gaze on Alex’s arm and side. She knows from the intensity of Kara’s stare that her sister is categorizing every muscle tear and ruptured capillary.

“See? I’m fine.”

The blonde finally looks back up at her face with a frown. “Really?” Kara questions flatly. “I bet a box of potstickers that you can’t even change out of your clothes.”

Kara immediately regrets issuing the challenge when Alex forces herself up while biting back pained groans.

“Wait, Alex—”

“I’m fine, Kara.” She insists stubbornly. A shower sounds like a great idea anyway. Alex grits her teeth as she slides out of bed, attempting to shift her jacket off of her shoulders again. The entire area disagrees with her decision, and her injuries throb with a vengeance.

Her sister is suddenly in front of her, hands laying over Alex’s chest to still her movements. “Will you just _wait_ and let me help you?” Kara huffs, eyes trailing over the torn leather.

“Quit worrying, I can handle it,” Alex tries for a reassuring smile.

“Alex!” Kara’s hands tighten around the collar of her jacket.

It’s such a possessive gesture that it shoots a thrill through Alex and silences her.

Her sister blinks rapidly, as if she were taken aback by the sharpness of her own voice. Kara slowly loosens her grip and trails her hands down the zipper of Alex’s jacket, pausing over her sister’s heart. It speeds up in response to Kara.

Alex watches Kara uncertainly, wondering what’s going on in the blonde’s head. Kara stands in front of her, eyes downcast and looking a little…lost. Did something happen while she was asleep?

Her protective instincts flare. “Hey,” Alex captures her attention again by pressing her hand to the small of Kara’s back. “What’s wrong?”

When Kara looks up, her blue eyes are watery, and Alex feels a pang of guilt. It seems like she’s done nothing but upset Kara lately.

Her sister laughs mirthlessly. “You know, if you were half as worried about yourself as you were for me…” Kara shakes her head with a sigh and sniffles, shaking herself out of her mood. “Alright, ya big damn hero. Let’s get you into the bath while you’re up.”

Alex gets a look on her face like when she’s stumbled across a puzzle that she’s not quite ready to give up on yet. “I’d rather just shower.”

“And miss out on a relaxing bubble bath? Nope! I’m going to help you wash your hair too.”

Kara’s forced cheerfulness falls away as she slides her hands under Alex’s jacket to take it off.

The warmth of her sister’s hands soaking under her shirt is enough to effectively end any argument she can come up with. Alex is acutely aware of the calculated gentleness that Kara has to use with her. None of the blonde’s usual affected clumsiness is present now.

There’s a heaviness in the air that Alex is not sure if she’s just imagining or if neither of them are just not acknowledging.

She moves her hand away from Kara’s back, and her sister inhales sharply as if she’s suddenly remembered what she was in the middle of doing. Kara takes extra care not to cause Alex pain, moving slowly and gently. Alex leans forward to help slide the slim-fitted sleeves over her arms, and if she would just tilt her head a little, her lips would meet Kara’s neck.

The jacket is tossed to the foot of their bed, and Alex’s mouth goes dry at the sound.

She absolutely cannot look at Kara right now, because Alex knows for a fact that her eyes would give her away. She pretends to busy herself with the buttons of her shirt, but Kara’s hands are already there.

Flawlessly slender fingers coax the buttons of her shirt apart, and Alex needs to remind herself to _breathe_.

She’s too gay and a little too turned on to be standing so close to Kara and her super-senses.

Unlike Alex who’s struggling to contain herself, Kara continues undressing her sister, not the least bit bothered. Alex would normally question why their roles have been reversed (Kara should be the one flustered and concerned with modesty), but her brain fizzles out when the blonde tugs at her belt.

 _This isn’t fair_ , Alex thinks.

She closes her eyes, because she absolutely does not need to know what it looks like to have Kara’s fingers popping open the button of her jeans and sliding them over her hips.

It’s one thing to be accustomed to changing in the same room ever since they were young, but this feels nothing like that. It’s so far removed that it may as well have happened in another timeline.

Kara takes Alex’s hand to lead her into the bathroom once she has stepped out of her jeans, left in nothing but her dress shirt loosely hanging over her bra and boyshorts. Kara’s fingers curl innocently between Alex’s, as if they haven’t just been giving her un-sisterly sinful thoughts.

Her sister walks in front of her, hips swaying like a goddamn pendulum, and Alex hates herself a little more for enjoying it.

When Kara bends over to fill the bathtub, Alex silently thanks Krypton for genetic engineering.

Even the sheer amount of water the bathtub holds wouldn’t be enough to satisfy her thirst.

Alex forces herself to turn her attention away until Kara has finished preparing the perfect bubble bath.

She clears her throat. “Seriously, Kara. A shower would’ve been fine.”

“You,” Kara tugs Alex’s shirt off and slowly unhooks the bra, holding it together until she turns Alex to face the tub, “need to learn to let someone pamper you. Now, get in. I’ll be back to wash your hair.”

It’s a little cute how Kara keeps her eyes averted to the ceiling the entire time she's moving her, and Alex is also grateful for it because it means her sister doesn’t see the blush across her cheeks. When Alex finally lowers herself into the soothingly warm bath, she lets out a groan of contentment. The temperature is perfect to draw out the aches from her muscles.

Her sister returns with a smug smile, holding a glass of white wine out to Alex. “Told you so.”

With a mildly suspicious quirk of her eyebrow, Alex accepts the glass. “Okay, what’s going on?” She asks after taking a sip.

Kara sits down beside the tub, resting her arms on the edge of the tub and smiling at Alex. “Nothing, I just like that I get to take care of you for once.” She answers honestly. “You didn’t even let me do this when I b—” Kara clears her throat, glancing off to the side. “When your arm was broken.” She finishes awkwardly.

“You had bigger things to worry about,” Alex gently reminds the blonde without any bitterness. “I can take care of myself.”

“I know,” Kara sighs ruefully. “But…you’re always there for me when I’m hurt.” She glances back to Alex with some amount of hesitation. “I’d really like it if I could do the same for you. You’re the first one to tell me it’s okay to ask for help, but you don’t take any yourself if it’s not for a mission.”

Alex takes a larger sip of her wine and answers with a barely perceptible nod.

She still thinks it’s unnecessary, but if it helps Kara feel better in some way, then she would try. For Kara.

Her sister brightens up considerably and reaches for the shampoo and shower head. “Turn, please!” Kara chirps, and Alex does so obediently. Most of the suds are washed away from her shoulders as Kara tilts her head back to soak her hair with warm water.

The shower head splashes carelessly into the tub, and Alex is unprepared to feel the tips of Kara’s fingers trace over her shoulder blade. It sends a shiver down her spine that she tries to drown with more wine.

“Alex…” Kara breathes in wonder. “When did you do this?” She asks, unable to take her eyes off of her family’s coat of arms on her sister’s right shoulder. It’s about the size of Kara’s palm in simple black ink.

Shit, Alex forgets that’s there sometimes.

“You’ve really never seen it before?” Alex tries to deflect.

“I think I would’ve remembered if I had!” Kara’s voice sounds strangled in its disbelief. “It’s not like I make it a habit of looking when you change!”

Alex furrows her brows as she looks over her shoulder at Kara’s response, because it kind of sounded like the blonde was freaking out a little. “Well…the motto at Stanford was to study hard and party harder. Let’s just say there’s a reason I’m not allowed to get drunk anymore.” The road to a PhD was a stressful and boozy one.

“Holy fishsticks, Alex.”

“It did allow me to access your ship’s index to rebuild the construct we have at the DEO.” She smiles sheepishly. “It’s not by choice that only you and I can get into the room, you know? The system would only acknowledge members of the House of El.”

“Of course, it worked for y—” Kara slaps a hand over her mouth, her blue eyes wider than Alex has ever seen. She blinks owlishly at Alex in nervous panic, obviously about to say something she hadn’t intended to reveal.

“Kara…?” Alex questions warily.

“Right. Um.” Kara clears her throat. “I did say that my parents would’ve gladly welcomed you into our family.” She nods at the end of her own sentence awkwardly.

“But?”

“No buts!” The Kryptonian squeaks out.

“There’s something you’re not telling me.” Alex narrows her eyes at the flustered blonde, seeing the reluctance on her face. “Am I going to need more wine for this?” She deadpans.

Kara’s nervous laughter is over the top and entirely unconvincing. “Pfffftt, what? Why would you even think that, Alex? What could possibly—”

She quickly realizes the futility of lying to her sister and abruptly leaves the bathroom to return with the entire bottle of wine.

Alex gives the blonde an odd look, staring at her expectantly as Kara avoids her gaze and tops off Alex’s glass.

“…”

“…”

“It just would’ve meant something different on Krypton!” Kara blurts out, cracking under the pressure.

“I gathered.” Alex drawls, drinking her wine. “Let me guess. Did I mark myself as a mistress in your culture or something?”

Kara turns beet red, hiding her face in her hands. “Rao have mercy,” she mumbles in embarrassment. “I thought I told you when we were younger that Krypton didn’t have sex workers.”

“I know, but it’s still fun to tease you about it.” Alex smirks, dabbing the tip of Kara’s nose that peeked between her hands with a clump of bubbles.

Kara huffs and wrinkles her nose, wiping the bubbles away.

“So are you going to tell me what it means, or will I have to look it up myself?” Alex asks playfully.

“Okay, that was one time, Alex.” Kara pouts at her. “I didn't even know strippers were a thing.”

“You turned so red that Mom thought you had a fever.”

The blonde groans, scooping a handful of bubbles to press into Alex’s face.

Alex snickers, trying not to laugh too hard because of her side as she wipes away the bubbles.

“You will never have any idea how extremely awkward it is to have Eliza as your physician.” Kara grumbles, still a little red. “I wasn't able to look across the dinner table at her on some days.”

Amused, Alex takes another sip of her wine. The combined warmth of alcohol and the bath is starting to make her feel a little sleepy and sated.

“You still haven't answered my question,” Alex reminds her.

By the look on Kara’s face, it's clear that she’d rather Alex forget about it. The blonde turns off the shower head she had dropped earlier and lathers her hands with shampoo.

“If I'm telling you this, you're not allowed to look at me.” Kara mumbles, working her fingers through Alex’s hair.

Alex rolls her eyes with a smile, accustomed to Kara’s shyness. “Mhm.” She agrees easily, leaning back against the porcelain tub and takes another sip of her wine before setting it down.

“House markings were considered to be a bond as strong as the sacred Kryptonian vow.” Kara’s voice starts out softly and hesitantly but gradually grows comfortable. They’ve found that it’s easier for Kara to open up when her nervous energy is preoccupied.

“The one you can only take once in a lifetime?” Alex questions in a low murmur, trying not to let herself get distracted.

“And can never break,” Kara adds. “No one has ever broken such a vow.”

“You’re telling me that over tens of thousands of years, not a single Kryptonian has broken a sacred vow.”

“Yes,” Kara answers her seriously. “Without honor, there is no trust. A lot of people live their entire lives without ever taking the sacred vow, because they’re afraid they might not be able to keep it. I’d say it’s as important as the _Tiv Girod_ , if not more.”

The Kryptonese words sound familiar in Alex’s head. “Didn’t you used to say it before bed every night? I always thought it was some kind of prayer.”

The blonde shakes her head with a small smile. “No, not a prayer. They’re virtues. How come you’ve never asked me about it?”

Alex shrugs, wincing from the pain that lances up her shoulder. “Ow,” she mutters under her breath. “And I guess it’s because it sounded personal.”

“It’s personal to everyone on my planet, honestly.” Kara easily finds the cause of discomfort in Alex’s shoulder with her vision and slides her hand over to rub it out.

Alex hisses at the sharp pain cutting through the haze of wine.

“Sorry!” Kara jerks her hands away in alarm, stammering. “I didn’t mean to—are you okay? Did I hurt you? I-I’m sorry, Alex! I just saw the knot in your shoulder, and I thought I could help you feel better.” The panicking Kryptonian scrambles to her feet. “I’ll, um—I’ll be outside. You take your time!” She says with false cheer.

Before Alex can get a word in, Kara disappears from the bathroom.

Alex sighs deeply, sinking until she’s submerged in the water with the sound of frustrated bubbles rising to the surface. At the count of ten, she drains the tub and rinses herself off.

It’s a bit of a challenge to slip a robe over the motley of green, yellow, and purple bruises along her arm and back. Some of the stiffness in her muscles has alleviated, thanks in part to the bath and wine. Tying the fluffy, white robe, Alex retrieves her glass and quietly heads out of her room.

Apparently, in the time she's been asleep, Kara has claimed the sunniest spot in the studio, right in front of the huge glass doors leading out to the terrace. Layers upon layers of newspaper stretch over the floor, held down by scattered tubes of paint and 3D sculptures.

There's a miniature dystopian city growing in her loft, a majority of it broken and half melted. Alex realizes they're all of the same tower, a different imperfection in each one that was cast aside. There's a small mountain of charred models on the patch of newspapers closest to the open doors of her terrace with crystals of ice blanketing their destruction.

It looks more like the world Astra and Non prophesied than the one Kara lived in with her family.

Alex smiles sadly at Kara whose brows are pinched in frustration, using her heat vision to carve details into the miniature tower in her hands. The Kryptonian’s usual control wavers, the beams of light streaming from her eyes never quite thin enough or burning too hot.

Draining her glass, Alex leaves it in the kitchen and nibbles on a granola bar until her sister gives up on the laser carving, perched stiffly on her stool with her fists white-knuckled on top of her knees.

Alex subtly slips the folder of brochures in a kitchen drawer out of sight before padding quietly over to Kara.

“Are you okay?” Kara asks first, unable to look at Alex.

The brunette sidesteps a glob of…something and enters the inner circle of easels and canvases all depicting various landscapes of Kara’s home planet. They’re all new, which means Kara hadn’t slept much last night. Alex wraps her arms around her sister from behind the way she knows Kara needs her to. Wine on a virtually empty stomach encourages her to lean flush against the blonde’s back without realizing it.  
  
“I'm okay.” Alex murmurs. “Are you?”

“Yeah,” is Kara’s automatic response. She presses back into her fluffy robe that Alex is wearing and flexes her fingers from the tight fists she’d clenched them into. “…No.”

Alex leans her head against Kara’s and feels her sister take a deep breath. “Tell me?”

“I keep messing up.”

Alex doesn't need Dr. Cho to understand that Kara’s not just talking about the sculptures. She waits it out, because Kara can’t stand the silence. It reminds her sister too much of deep space.

Kara’s paint speckled hands gradually come to rest over hers. “I hate seeing you hurt.”

It’s the truth, but it dances around the real issue. There’s no point in forcing Kara to talk about something she’s not ready to. Stubbornness and her sister go hand in hand, so Alex tries a different approach.

“Do you remember when Mom and Dad tried to teach you how to control your strength?”

Kara snorts. “Eliza kept a record of how many pounds per square inch my hands exerted while your dad played baseball with me. We’d go through fourteen baseball bats in a day.”

Alex chuckles. “And you were so upset for almost a month.”

“It was humiliating!” Kara pouts. “I kept breaking glasses and bending silverware. I had to eat with my hands like a Neanderthal.”

“Mm. Pizza _was_ easier, wasn’t it?”

“Pizza’s the best.” Kara declares resolutely.

Smiling fondly, Alex nudges Kara. “And eventually you could use a fork like civilized human being.”

“I don’t wanna hear that from someone who still doesn’t remember how to set the table.” The blonde says wryly.

“Rude.” She pokes her sister’s side, making her squirm.

Kara firmly tugs Alex’s arm back in place over her waist, lacing their fingers together. “I know what you’re doing.”

“Oh?” Alex doesn’t sound surprised at all.

“You’re trying to remind me of how you taught me to control my strength.”

“Well, I’ll take the credit if you’re giving it to me.” She pretends to preen, feeling playful due to her mild intoxication.

Kara laughs, unable to hold onto her bad mood. Her thumb strokes the length of Alex’s finger slowly. “You made everything a lot less scary that day, you know that? Being able to see bones and sinew under skin as I figured out how to hold your hand became helpful and less terrifying.”

That _does_ catch Alex by surprise. Her focus is torn between finding a witty quip to deflect with and Kara playing with her fingers.

“I can’t believe you held my hand so easily. It was dangerous. I could’ve hurt you.”

“I trust you.” Alex tells her simply. “Even if I did think you were a pain in my ass back then.”

Kara closes her eyes and smiles. “Jerk.”

She takes off her glasses and hooks them on the collar of her shirt, looking down at Alex’s hand. “I can see every crack in your hand that’s ever healed over.” She says softly. “I know exactly which ones belong to the punches you threw for me, like my own personal Nightwing.”

The blonde hesitates, chewing her lip before turning to face Alex. “And I know which crack belongs to me.”

Alex’s eyes are half-lidded and soft. Her instinctive response is to kiss away Kara’s pain and meet her hurt with an equal amount of comfort.

Instead, she hugs Kara tighter.

The blonde rests her head on Alex’s good shoulder and tucks her face into her slightly damp neck from the water dripping down her hair. “I never thanked you for the printer.”

“Mm,” Alex hums, not trusting herself to speak right now.

“Thank you,” Kara kisses the corner of her sister’s jaw. It’s platonic, of course. All of Kara’s affections are.

Still, Alex turns a little red. “You’re welcome,” she mumbles.

“You’re always finding ways to give me pieces of my home back.”

“Your, uh…” It doesn’t seem right to call the warped and burnt model buildings as Kara’s home. “… _Those_?” She nods her chin at the miniature dystopian landscape.

She feels Kara wrinkle her nose. “Kind of.”

“Then what?”

Kara sighs against her neck. “Part of my initiation into the Science Guild was transmutation. Despite what you see in your movies, alchemy really does exist. Not just on my planet, but others too. Maybe one day, the limits of your science will evolve. Like Pokemon.” She giggles. “Just stop holding down B.”

“Kara, you really need to stop casually blowing my mind and referencing Pokemon in the same breath.” Alex says dryly. “Alchemy exists? Turning rocks to gold kind of alchemy?”

“Of course. When you can manipulate structures at a sub-atomic level, it’s not that far of a stretch.”

“…I have so many questions.”

“All in good time, my young Padawan.” Kara pats Alex’s hand consolingly.

“You’re not helping.”

The blonde smiles sheepishly into Alex’s neck. “Winn and I are in the middle of a Star Wars marathon. We’re supposed to be going to a convention soon.” Kara gasps. “You should come! Winn’s already made his Poe outfit, and he’s been working on my Rey stuff after building his BB-8.” She’s brimming with excitement. “Oh my gosh, Alex, the printer is so perfect! I could make our props and paint them. You need to go with us as Captain Phasma!”

“Kara, focus.”

“Please go with us?” She points her Kryptonian puppy eyes at her sister.

“No.” Alex deadpans.

“ _Please?_ ”

“No.”

“Pretty please?” Kara turns up the intensity of her puppy eyes. “It could be the road trip we never got to have, and I promise I can fly our car back if any emergencies pop up.”

Alex purses her lips. “Maybe.”

She gives Alex a little squeal and wriggles on her stool to get more comfortable before settling against her sister. Kara knows she’s already won. “This is going to be so great! We’re going to meet up with Lucy—”

“Lucy?” Alex questions incredulously.

“Mhm! She’s going to be our Kylo Ren.”

“Lucy, I’ll-stab-you-in-the-face-with-my-stilettos-so-you-can-kiss-my-feet, Lucy?” Alex repeats, just to make sure she heard right.

“Yup, we’re meeting her and James there, because she says there’s no way she’ll voluntarily sit in a car with Winn for more than three hours.”

“How the hell did you even get Lucy to agree to this?”

Kara giggles, pressing a finger to her lips. “That’s a secret.”

Alex flounders for a response. “Well, what about J’onn?”

The blonde looks thoughtful. “I asked if he wanted to be Finn, but James already called dibs. Do you think he’d be willing to go as Anakin or Han Solo? Ooh, Chewy? He deserves to have some fun with his shapeshifting.”

The exasperation shows on Alex’s face. “No, I meant are you sure J’onn would be okay with so many of us away at the same time?”

Kara rolls her eyes and replies sarcastically. “One day, I just know that you’ll trust the team of people you and J’onn have trained.”

“They’re still green,” Alex protests.

“It’s been over a year.”

“They’ve never had to fight aliens without us.”

“I can circle the Earth in less time than it takes to make popcorn, Alex.”

She had a point.

“…So you were saying about transmuting things?”

Kara grins, accepting Alex’s defeat. “No, nothing. The sculpting just reminded me of the things I made for my dad. It’s how I practiced transmuting minerals into precious metals. I just wish I could control my heat vision better to get the details I need now.”

“How close did you come to setting my loft on fire?”

The little Kryptonian shit smiles innocently. “I had _that_ part under control.”

Alex eyes the pocket-sized frozen tundra in their home surrounded by charred newspaper. “Uh huh.”

“I did!”

The brunette shakes her head, trying not to smile. “So what’s wrong then, are you burning too hot or is your aperture too wide?”

Kara pouts. “Um, both? It’s either too hot and melts the models or blasting too wide to do any detailing. The paint doesn’t stick either.”

Alex untangles herself from Kara with a low groan, slowly stretching. “Okay, give me a second to put some clothes on, and we’ll figure this out.”

Kara furrows her brows, combing her hand through her hair. “Do you need help?”

A blush crawls over Alex’s cheeks at the thought of Kara’s _help_. “No.” Absolutely not. “I’ll be fine.”

She returns with her hair relatively drier, wearing a flannel shirt over a pair of boyshorts. One hand lugs over a big, tactical case that her sister rushes over to help with, placing it down beside the couch. In the short time she’s been away, the coffee table has been lined with a variety of sandwiches.

Alex tilts her head questioningly at the spread as she kneels down to unlatch the case. “What’s all this?”

“Brunch! Unless you prefer instant ramen, because I can make that too.”

Alex smiles wryly. “Your many talents continue to astound me.”

Kara buffs her nails on her shirt, faking nonchalance. “It’s nothing. I even have your favorite take out on speed dial.” The blonde plops down on the couch, a sandwich in each hand. She’s completely prepared for Alex’s unique brand of nerdiness.

Alex sets up tripods and cameras on both sides of the coffee table, connecting them to a laptop to calibrate. They’re meant to track Kara’s pupils and thermal output.

She chooses a few silicone models that are in decent shape, tossing them over to Kara.

Kara hurriedly stuffs one sandwich in her mouth to free one hand, catching the pieces in the air and grinning at her small accomplishment. “I missed being your science experiment.”

“No, you didnt.” Alex grins, pulling the laptop over as she takes a bite of a sandwich.

“I do!” Kara laughs, scrunching her nose. “You and Eliza helped me learn a lot about myself. It’s been a while since we last benchmarked my abilities.”

“That’s true,” Alex sets up the programs she needs. “We’ll have to run an official exam when we return to the DEO. With the help of J’onn, we’ll be able to get more accurate results than last year.”

The blonde cups her sandwiches around her mouth as if they were hands and whispers, “ _nerd._ ” She rarely gets to say that about someone else. It’s the little things in life.

Alex throws a pickle slice at Kara, which the blonde catches in her mouth.

“Don’t waste food!” Kara admonishes playfully.

Finishing a bite of her sandwich, Alex rolls her eyes and brushes her hands off onto a plate.

“Go eat and burn things.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Kara salutes, inhaling another sandwich. She sits still, already knowing what’s expected of her and holds one of the slightly mutilated buildings at the ready.

“Okay, on my mark.”

Alex makes slight adjustments in the tracking software and verifies the correct filters are in place for the cameras before starting the recording, noting the date and time. “The subject is Kara Zor-El. Today we will be calibrating the precision and intensity of the subject’s heat vision. Targets are high-grade silicone models. Primary overseer of these calibrations is Dr. Alexandra Danvers. Please note, this footage is only intended for internal review—”

“—Ooh, _Dr. Danvers_.” Kara smirks teasingly. “Aren’t you looking distinguished?”

Alex gives Kara a half-hearted glare in her comfy boyshorts and flannel, continuing with her log as if the blonde never interrupted. “Current room temperature and wind speed is negligible,” she drawls. "Please reference case file SMJD0045 by Dr. Jeremiah Danvers for the limits of acceptable parameters."

Kara giggles in response to her sister’s work mode as she goes on to list the equipment being used to record the data.

“Proceeding with calibrations and establishing a baseline.” Alex readies an infrared thermometer to cross reference with the cameras’ readings and aims it at the silicone sculpture in Kara’s hands. “The subject is clear to fire at will in 3—2—1.”

Sitting at this distance, Alex can feel the heat of the Kryptonian’s powers. She knows that Kara has only accessed a fraction of her ability, because in battle, Kara’s heat vision has measured on par with the surface of Earth’s sun.

Predictably, the silicone melts through and starts burning at the edges of the hole. “Ah—no…” Kara whines, doing her best to cup the dipping material and blows her frost breath over it.

As Kara extinguishes the latest disaster, Alex is already pouring over the information she received and organizing the data sheet with relevant measurements. She frowns as she plays back the clip and few times and compares it to the fluctuating temperatures recorded.

“Hm. That’s odd.” Alex reviews the reading once more. “Your pupils are more dilated than usual. I think it might be affecting the circumference.”

A mild blush spreads across Kara’s cheeks, and she stammers, “I’ve tried squinting my eyes to manually focus it, but it flattens it out.”

Alex glances up briefly before returning to the calculations she’s started. “There's nothing to be embarrassed about, we'll get to the bottom of this.”

Kara shoves a sandwich in her mouth as a reply. Alex sees the action in her peripheral vision and chuckles.

“Alright, let’s start with double the amount of power you use to boil water and work our way up from there. Ready?”

The blonde nods, gulping down her food and picks up another sculpture.

“Initiating Pass One in 3—2—1.”

“Ack!”

“Pass One: failed. Subject’s involuntary pupillary response is interfering with calibrations.”

“Do you _have_ to say it like that?”

“What else should I call it?”

“Nothing, nevermind.” Kara mumbles.

“…Okay? Uh. The material is absorbing a lot of the concentrated heat, so you’ll have to find a way to dispel it. Or we can try quick, staccato bursts. You’ll really have to focus on precision though.”

The blonde shakes herself out and focuses. “I got this.”

“Alright. Initiating Pass Two, subject will proceed with ten millisecond pulses in 3—2—1.”

Three hours easily pass by this way. Alex is determined to solve the puzzle, and Kara has to remind her to eat every once in a while. They run various combinations and temperatures until Kara whines, “Alex, it smells. And my eyes hurt.”

“Open more windows,” Alex suggests, not looking away from the screen.

“Oh no,” Kara groans. “You have that look on your face.”

“What look?” She asks, knowing full well and what her sister was referring to.

“That!” Kara points. “That super focused I'm-Doctor-Alexandra-Danvers-and I'm-going-to-fix-the-world kind of look, like you're going to solve the problem if you glare at it hard enough. You know, the last time I saw that look, you were chasing energy drinks with coffee to finish your dissertation.”

“That’s ridiculous, I don't have a look.” Alex hides a smile and nibbles on her lower lip to hide it as she mentally juggles a few calculations in her head. “I did cut it pretty close with that dissertation in the middle of my lab work though.”

Shaking her head, Kara gets up. “I’m lighting some candles in here. It smells awful.”

“Mm,” Alex barely acknowledges her, writing formulas.

The room smells like pumpkin spice before Alex actually registers the clicking of a lighter.

“That’s it!” She exclaims, excitedly taking it from Kara’s hands.

The blonde is stunned and baffled by her sister’s outburst. She watches Alex unbuckle a knife from under the coffee table and pry open the casing of the candle lighter, disassembling pieces until the elongated metal nozzle is all that’s left.

“Here, blow this.” Alex holds the piece out.

“Not something I ever thought I’d hear you say,” Kara grins at her own joke.

“Are you sure you wanna go there?” Alex arches her eyebrow challengingly. “Because I can think of a few times your super hearing worked to your disadvantage when you dropped by unannounced at my dorm—”

“AHH!” Kara’s eyes widen comically, slapping her hands over her ears. “I can’t hear you!” She announces loudly, burying her face into the side of the couch.

Amused, Alex chuckles. She may be tragically in love with her sister, but Kara’s aversion to anything more sexual than a ‘that’s what she said’ joke will never fail to get a laugh out of her.

“Get out of there, you’re like an ostrich with your head in the sand.” She teases lightly.

It’s also a distractingly nice view of Kara’s shorts riding up her thighs that she’s determinedly not looking at. Alex considers it a blessing that Kryptonians don’t read minds.

“Can’t hear you,” the blonde mumbles into the couch. “And _Kelly_ was the ostrich with her wide, unblinking eyes.”

“What?” Alex laughs out. The level of disdain in her sister’s muffled tone surprises her. “Where did that come from?”

“She was!” Kara insists, springing back up. “She would stare at me with her neck stretching out to _here_ ,” she raises her hand high above her head, “like _I_ was the crazy one for saying a vegan diet was bad for her cat.”

Alex bites her lip to keep from laughing. “Was she really that bad?”

“Yes!” Kara vehemently confirms, bristling with righteous indignation for a pet cat she had never met. “Cats are carnivores—it’d be like…” She gestures wildly in the air. “It’d be like saying I’m not allowed sticky buns ever again! _And!_ And I once saw her texting flirty… _things_ with someone else while she was sitting right next to you!”

“Ah,” Alex nods, as if she completely understands. “Sticky buns, of course.”

“You can do way better than her.” Kara turns her nose up in the air primly, the very picturesque vision of Kryptonian nobility. Pieces of the previous puzzle begin to fall into place.

She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a little pleased at how defensive Kara was getting on her behalf over a fling that happened years ago. It is admittedly immature, but Alex lets herself revel in it for a few seconds before stomping down on the feeling.

“First of all, it wasn’t anything serious,” Alex rolls her eyes and dismisses the subject altogether. “Neither of us were hoping for a relationship out of it.”

“But you deserve someone you can love and be with all the time! All the warm and fuzzy relationship-y feelings, Alex. Warm and fuzzy!”

Alex starts to respond that she has her hands more than full with their relationship. That Kara is all she needs. That it makes her happy enough to keep Kara safe and watch her live the life she wants. That even if it were possible to be involved with someone else, she'd be too worried about their safety if the wrong person finds out.

The words would crush Kara with guilt.

Alex thinks better of it and says nothing, because her sister is not a burden to her, and she won't give Kara reasons to believe it either.

“Maybe one day,” she allows.

It doesn't matter if hope is false, faked, or genuine. Her heart aches all the same knowing _maybe one day_ with Kara will never come. The words echo hollowly inside of her.

Hers is a love that has filled the cracks of her bones with each battle she fights. It's a part of her—holds her together—hurting and healing in tandem. It isn't the kind of thing that leaves a person.

“Not maybe. Definitely.” Kara insists firmly.

“Maybe.” Alex repeats with a tender smile.

Kara frowns, clearly disagreeing with her sister.

“You never finished telling me what was so significant about house markings.” She changes the subject abruptly before her sister has a chance to object. She’s hoping the uneasy topic derails her sister.

It does.

Kara’s mouth opens and closes with a few false starts.

Alex waits.

“Um.” The blonde pulls a pillow into her lap and fiddles with the corners. “It, uh…started as a way to protest against arranged marriages. Very scandalous stuff. And then over time, it became a way of signifying that you pledged your allegiance to a house without having to marry into it.” She glances up at Alex then back down to her lap. “Forever.”

“Okay, that doesn't seem bad,” Alex remarks with a shrug of her good shoulder.

“No, Alex. You don't understand.” Kara protests, hugging the pillow to her chest.

“Explain it to me then,” she says patiently. “I won't get upset.” She adds, figuring that’s what Kara was hesitant about.

Her sister takes a deep breath and exhales. “It means never joining another house, Alex. You can’t take on more than one crest at a time. I mean,” she laughs, “I don't even know why I’m making such a big deal out of this. Not like there's any houses left for you to join.”

“These people who pledge their allegiance, what do they do?”

“Wh—what?”

“What do they do?” Alex repeats, getting the feeling this was more than the Kryptonian version of adoption. “There’s a trade-off, isn’t there? A person doesn’t just join a noble house without giving something in return.”

Kara purses her lips and nods. “Yeah…” She answers softly. “They couldn’t have their own children and didn’t get to have families of their own unless they eventually married in, but it rarely happened. They became champions of their house, fighting in place of the members in times of war. Protected the house. Oversaw daily matters. It wasn’t uncommon to have a champion if one of the members sat on the Council either, not to mention my mother was a judicator. Our house had a few.”

“So I’d be a bodyguard and butler rolled into one.” Alex drawls. “ _Ndivi-te_ , how may I serve you today?” She pretends to curtsy and receives a pillow to the side of her head for it.

Kara’s blushing so hard that it extends down her neck. “ _You_ are your own person and don’t belong to anyone.” She manages to get out.

 _Oh, how wrong you are,_ Alex thinks.

“Hey, you can’t just attack me like that now. I’m technically nobility.” She smirks instead.

Kara rolls her eyes. “Oh, forgive me, Alexandra Danvers of the House of El. And here I thought you’d be regretting your house marking after learning about it.”

“Hm. I don’t think I will.” She likes the sound of it. “Now, blow.” Alex commands, handing Kara the metal nozzle of the candle lighter.

Kara salutes like a goofball as she takes it, a smile as bright as the sun on her face. “Yes ma’am!”

“Alright. Initiating Pass Thirty-Seven. Subject will proceed with a steady beam of her heat vision in conjunction with manual applications of her frost breath in concentrated bursts. Subject is free to fire at will in 3—2—1…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took some more liberties with Kryptonian culture. What Kara was too young to completely pick up on at the time is that becoming a house champion was also a lowkey legitimate way non-heterosexual partners could join the family. It's not an ideal solution because A) they have identifying marks, and B) they're in danger of losing their life in battle, but it works as a loophole around Krypton's sacred marriages being only between a man and woman. 
> 
> Krypton's technology may be advanced, but their civil rights were lacking. On the plus side, queers were the champions of Krypton, and I think that sounds pretty damn cool.
> 
> I've been pretty slammed at work, so if this comes across as rushed, my bad. If you see typos, it's because I pushed this out at 4am and I'm going to be putting in 10+ hours at work for the rest of the week. I figured you all have waited long enough. And as always, feedback is appreciated. Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more.


	5. patchwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner discussion with Lucy and Alex inevitably get serious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a mountain of salt over season 2. I didn't expect Rebuilding to be an actual rebuilding of how I wanted the show to be, but here we are.

Dinner should have been renamed The Roast of Alex Danvers.

Inside an upscale steakhouse, it starts with an innocent, “drink with me, Danvers!”

Alex doesn’t get a choice in wine, nor does she really care as long as there’s a lot of it.

Lucy is absolutely ruthless with three glasses of wine in her. She’s a bite-sized wonder of sly smiles, sharp heels, and an even sharper tongue.

The short brunette slides her glass of water over, and Alex answers with a questioning look because she already has a glass of her own.

“For your severe thirst,” Lucy remarks smartly as she looks pointedly in the direction of Kara’s empty seat.

Alex nearly strangles her commanding officer and is thankful Kara had to excuse herself to take care of a fire. It doesn’t end there.

Her face is flushed for the rest of the night. Of all the people who picked up on her feelings for her sister, it had to be fucking Lucy Lane. “I regret ever becoming friends with you.” Alex grumbles sourly.

Lucy brushes off the comment like dust over her shoulder. “Please,” she scoffs, “I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

Alex rolls her eyes.

_(”It’s hard to stand out when they shine so bright, isn’t it?"_

_Lucy looks up in surprise until wordless understanding passes between them.)_

She sees a little too much of herself in Lucy sometimes. Alex thinks that Lucy must do the same, because what else would explain their antagonistic yet supportive friendship? They see everything they hate about themselves reflected in each other.

Confident in their abilities and yet still inferior to their sisters.

They walk in the shadows of their families and have learned to embrace it. Where Alex carries herself in leather and kevlar and deadly weapons, Lucy composes herself in tall heels, a clever mind, and silken poise. _Beautiful_ sells Lucy short. She’s the kind of woman who brings the marble statues at Athens to their knees. But Lois is the one people talk about.

If they have to spend the rest of their lives being second best, they may as well make a career out of it. A life of service means they can take pride in putting others first.

It’s not until they've polished off their second bottle of wine that Alex realizes the real reason Lucy is upset.

Of all the people who know her, Alex understands her best. Disregarding her judgement in the field was a betrayal of their mutual understanding. Calling it insubordination was just a formality.

“Lane.”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry.”

Lucy stares at Alex over the glass of her wine with calculating eyes. She's a lawyer and knows how to read in between the lines.

Sorry doesn't mean it won't happen again.

Alex’s gaze flicks toward Kara’s empty seat, and Lucy scoffs.

Second again.

Shaking her head, Lucy rolls her eyes. “Try to be a little less like my father, why don't you?”

Alex looks so offended that she doesn't even know where to begin.

Lucy does. She ticks of each trait on her fingers. “Hard-headed, commandeering, uncompromising know-it-alls, contingency plans on top of contingency plans, don’t _listen_ to me—the worst thing about the two of you, honestly—oh! But _at least_ you're both willing to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love.” She ends with a sarcastic drawl that could take the wind out of anyone’s sails.

“I—I'm not…I don't have _that_ many contingency plans,” Alex protests.

Lucy looks wholly unimpressed. “Seriously, Alex?” She deadpans.

“…I'm cutting you off.”

“No,” Lucy whined, hovering over her glass of wine protectively as she batted Alex’s hand away. “Leave me alone, I'm celebrating.”

“Celebrating?”

“My _honorable_ discharge.”

“What the fuck?” Alex stares at Lucy in disbelief. “What the actual fuck?” She repeats as if that would help make more sense of it.

“Yep.”

“Since when? We still need you at the DEO.” Alex furrows her brows. “I thought they were going to permanently appoint you deputy director. J’onn wouldn’t consider anyone else.”

“It’s not J’onn,” Lucy sighs bitterly. “Apparently, there are consequences for being an accomplice to treason, despite our lovely fugitives having their names cleared.” She rolls her eyes. “Not in court—” Lucy adds when she sees Alex’s outrage. “—but in the eyes of my father? Let’s just say I’d rather keep the peace at family dinners.”

A deep frown appears in Alex’s face. “I get that but…you’ve defied him once already. Why not again? What changed?”

“He’s sick,” Lucy murmurs quietly. “Too proud to tell me, but…he’s _really_ sick. It's his shitty way of trying to keep me safe again, I just know it.”

“Shit…I’m sorry.” Alex presses her lips together, feeling guilty for giving Lucy’s father more ammunition to use against his daughter. She and J’onn were basically the reason for Lucy’s abrupt dismissal. She has no love for Lucy’s father either, but she knows what it's like to love a parent like that despite their flaws. “Then what now?”

Lucy waves it off with such calm that Alex wonders if she talks to Dr. Cho as well. “Solider first, lawyer always.” She recites the motto of the JAG Corps. “Maybe it’s time to aim for that DDA seat.”

“Deputy District Attorney?” Alex is surprised that Lucy would consider voluntarily wading into the cesspool of politics. “You’d seriously want to?”

“Um. Hello?” Lucy motions to herself. “Drafted our official protocol on how to process extraterrestrial detainees under the new Alien Amnesty Act—which, by the way, I still don't fully buy into.” She interrupts herself. “Have you _read_ the damn thing? It's poorly conceived and murky at best.”

“Don’t let Kara hear you say that,” Alex mutters though she agrees with Lucy.

“Our government doesn't have a system in place to enforce a blanket pardon for god knows how many individuals! James only uncovered a small portion of the alien population with his leads. Immigration isn't exactly equipped to deal with alien species either!” Lucy rants, rubbing her temples in frustration.

They've had pieces of this conversation in passing before, but were unable to fully express their concerns at the DEO. At least not until they had something more substantial for their objections to an executive order.

“L-Corp announcing their alien identification devices doesn't fill me with optimism either.” Alex frowns, adding to their list of concerns. “I heard our Department of Public Health is considering endorsing it, especially now that their newest prototype features a codex of known alien species.”

“Ahhhh,” Lucy shudders, downing more of her wine. “I don't like it. So much of it just feels wrong.”

“Yeah…” Alex agrees quietly. “Lena Luthor seems nice enough, and she's marketing the device in all the right ways. It just feels too good to be true.”

“What do you mean?”

Alex shifts in her seat, tapping thoughtfully on the table in their secluded corner. Still, she lowers her voice. “Well, here's the thing. We really don't know much about the aliens that have made their way to Earth, aside from the prisoners. Even with the construct of Kara’s mother I was able to reassemble, we’re mostly reactive to the species we encounter.

“For example, we once had a prisoner we thought was building a dirty bomb, but it ended up being misleading because he was really just scrounging for chemical sources to feed on. Now imagine this on a national scale. We have no idea what food sources the aliens here require or the best ways to make those sources available to them. We have no way to account for any potential diseases they could spread into our environment. We don't even know if our diseases could be lethal to them! I’m surprised by the variety of aliens species who survive in our atmosphere in the first place.

“How can we expect our physicians to be equipped to treat aliens without the proper training? I studied my parents’ research for years and got my degree in bioengineering _just in case_ Kara ever got anything more serious than a cold. A public codex would be a way to disseminate valuable information on different alien species and immediately identify appropriate treatment based on their anatomy.” Alex crosses her arms, reluctantly admitting there were benefits to the device.

“Sure, but just because a wolf is territorial, that doesn't make it a good guard dog.” Lucy interjects.

“Exactly! But the way L-Corp is marketing it in part as an educational tool makes it so dangerously appealing.” Alex huffs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “The problem with a system like this is that we technically don't have any precedents to base our decisions off of. The general public is already scared, and they're looking for anything to give them some measure of safety. If they can justify it by saying this system benefits aliens as well, then we’ll have a hard time convincing them otherwise. I don’t even want to imagine what will happen if Lord or Cadmus got their hands on the registry.”

“This isn't going to go away with one of Supergirl’s inspirational speeches, huh?” Lucy smiles ruefully.

“I wish,” Alex mutters, giving up on treating the wine right and gulps it down. “Nobody’s consulted us when we’re the ones with the most experience handling aliens either. Now that I think about it, you’d be the most qualified DDA, and we’re going to need people like you if things unfold the way we’re dreading.”

The youngest Lane groans, throwing her linen napkin at Alex’s face and slumping in her seat.

“Hey!”

“This was supposed to be a relaxing evening.” Lucy complains. “Where’s Kara? I need some happiness back in my life.”

“You and me both, Lane.”

By the time Kara returned, Lucy is slurring her words and Alex is in no shape to drive. The blonde easily smells the amount of alcohol they consumed.

“You lushes,” Kara accuses with no real bite behind her words and guides them out of the building. Alex’s place is close enough to walk to.

“Kara!” Lucy cries, clinging affectionately to one of the alien’s arms. “I— _ooh_ , no wonder why the call you Girl of Steel.”

Alex snorts on the other side of Kara, because apparently everyone is awful at keeping her sister’s crime fighting identity a secret. She’s the only one with her head on straight, thinks Alex as she veers slowly to the left where the sidewalk ends.

“Oh no you don’t,” Kara mutters, hooking her finger into the pocket of Alex’s leather jacket to bring her back into the fold. Her arm slides naturally around Alex’s waist, warm and secure.

Lucy’s shooting Alex the biggest shit-eating grin in the history of humanity, and Alex flushes in a way that all the wine they drank isn’t responsible for.

She flips off Lucy behind Kara’s back then steadies herself with her own arm around her sister’s strong shoulders.

Alex could acknowledge she had a little too much to drink, but that’s often how nights with Lucy are spent. They drink at bars together because Alex is too intense and intimidating to be invited out by the other agents at the DEO and Lucy is their commanding officer. They have each other, which suits them just fine, trading venting sessions and half-heartedly watching sports games.

Her mind must’ve wandered off because when Alex tunes back in, her face is pressed against Kara’s shoulder. Lucy and her sister are catching up with each other’s lives, chatting animatedly in a way Alex doesn't have the energy for.

She keeps her head where it is on Kara’s shoulder, eyes casually sweeping their surroundings. Alex wouldn't be her best in a fight at the moment, but she has complete faith in her sister’s ability should anything go wrong.

A loud squeal startles Alex’s out of her head. It takes a second before she identifies it coming from Lucy, and that she’s excited.

“Kara, that's awesome!” Lucy’s enthusiastic hug around Kara makes Alex stumble.

“What is?” Alex asks in confusion.

Her sister turns to her with a mixture of happiness and determination in her blue eyes. “I’ve decided to return to school after all.”

“That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day.” Alex says with no exaggeration. She lets out a relieved sigh, wrapping her arms around the two of them because with what Lucy told her tonight, she needed one too.

The petite brunette doesn't utter a word of complaint when she’s sandwiched between them. Some of the tension holding her shoulders high drains away, and Alex can feel them sag a little, heavy with the thought of what the future holds.

Kara hugs them both tightly, and when Alex looks up, she can see her sister is proud to have chosen this for herself.

Mission accomplished.


End file.
